As I continue to live out Psalm 139, God begin to really speak, and I was taking the time to really listen. Now we all know that God does not always have a “burning bush moment” with us, but He will use what ever means necessary to reach us. I subscribe to the ‘spirit of prophesy Bulletin” by Faith Tabernacle with Bill and Marsha Burns (http://ft111.com/) and God has been using this man and woman of God to touch my heart especially when I am going through. Don’t you just Love God? My Abba was addressing my issues and answering my prayers and addressing my concerns and my character though this bulletin, and the Holy Spirit. It was during my recovery from surgery—when I had no choice but to be still–that I begin to really discern His voice. He began to lead me down the “path of righteousness for His Name Sake.”
There was a clear battle going on in my mind and I was tired of losing it. The stronghold of “Martha” was being used against me and was slowly taking me out of the will of God. I was making decisions based on this stronghold; right ones and wrong ones. Daily, the Holy Spirit would send Word from my Daddy about what I should, whose I am, What needed to be changed in me. I was listening.
First I had to deal with my insecurities. While I do exhibit confidence, it is sometimes a mask to the surety of things. I never realized how deep my insecurities ran, because “Martha” was always in control of the emotions. I had to deal with years of feeling unloved, of forgiving myself for self inflicted hurt. I had a lot of baggage to let go of. I buried myself in activities–here goes Martha again–hoping to fill a void. But when it was all said and done, I felt lonely, and as an only child, sometimes that is not always a good feeling. My Bishop prophesied that if I came all the way over in God, that He will fill that void. And all of my needs would be met. There is so much I want God to do, so many promises that have not yet been fulfilled and I am not getting any younger, though I know our timing is not His.
So I am allowing my self to be transformed. I know that the enemy will fight me at every turn, but if I just stay focused on God, remembering to stay prayerful, I know that I will be transformed in to the woman God has purposed me to be. I was sharing my journey with my friend one day and she said something to me that was very profound. She said that God was uncovering my issues layer by layer, the same way an archeologist uncovers its discovery; digging it up all ay once would destroy me mentally, my mind couldn’t handle it. i received it, I am very careful about who I allow in my ear. Uncovering it all, all at once my not be the healthiest thing.
Daily I fight for my transformation. To be a Woman After God’s Own Heart!!!!