A year ago this month (August), I sat in my corporate office and cried my soul out, as I thought about my state of being. I remember that it started with a simple thought, I don’t think that any ONE thing provoked it; “I feel like a caged bird, fighting to take flight, but the bars, I keep crashing my wings into these bars.” Though I have only seen it once or twice, I had a visual of what a bird must feel like, unable to take flight, and then eventually dying. I felt as if I as dying in this corporate life. I needed to be free, no I needed FREEDOM! Freedom to be there for my son to be a part of his school activities and academic success; freedom to promote my business, to make products with out feeling that I was pushing my self to unnecessary limits. There was a creative birth about to happen, I was in labor, but the water wouldn’t break. So I cried, I cried until in hurt, as I sat in my office. In that moment, the words of one of my favorite authors-Maya Angelou- came to mind. “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” I had no words to really explain how I was feeling. And I truly didn’t know at the time what the untold story inside of me was.
“Hoping for the best, prepared for the worst, and unsurprising by anything in between.”
I closed my eyes and said a prayer: Father, 2015 cannot catch me here in this place. I know you don’t do things the way we want, I want to be a work at home mom, not a stay at home mom ( I made sure I was clear), however You choose, just help me through the process.” I felt a sense of peace come over me. I did what I knew how to do best. Take action. I immediately called a friend I know that did contract work. I told her my experience. She gave me hope because she believed in my business, my products, she believed in me. She asked me to send her me resume. within an hour, she had created another resume for “contract work”, saying I needed two kinds of resume based on the jobs I was seeking.
In October 2014, I landed my first virtual paralegal job. I was so excited! I was doing contracts management. I was working two jobs. But that was not the plan, not the request. I allowed myself to once again get caught up the comforts of the status quo, reasoning that I was making “extra income”. There was a petition before God, one that came not haphazardly, but from my soul.
In December 2014, the assignment was over. “Father, 2015 cannot catch me here, I have two weeks to go. Do You!” My prayers seemed to go unanswered. Why am I still here, flapping my wings against these bars?
Where did I go wrong in my life? Why does success seem so unattainable? The darkness that seemed to surround me was like death, the ultimate fate of a caged bird trying to take flight but can’t. The spiritual progression from darkness to light was reminding me of a lesson that had learned long ago, but refused to apply to my life. It just seemed practical to try to fly, to believe that eventually, my wings would force open the cage.
When I was laid off, the cage door was opened. I took flight, flew fast and high, not aimlessly, but with a plan.
This month I know why I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, 25 years later (I read the book in high school) I truly understand the message the Dr. Maya Angelou was sending. A timeless message. Dr. Angelou finds out what she is truly made of through trials and is refined into a person of intense character and stamina. As for me, the pain from trials and growth into adulthood is truly for my good, my resilience continues to shape an amazing character in me because I will always persist to survive.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
You can find a life-sized wax figure of the amazing Dr. Maya Angelou at Madame Tussauds!
A wax figure of Maya Angelou seen on display at Madame Tussauds on December 6, 2013 in New York City.
Madame Tussauds offers visitors the ultimate celebrity experience, allowing them to interact with jaw-droppingly life-like wax figures of the most famous pop stars, Hollywood legends, sporting heroes and historical icons – all within one attraction. We have 4 US locations – New York, Hollywood, Las Vegas and Washington, DC.