Removing the Veil
I thought I was ready. Perhaps motivated by someone else. “The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak” -Matthew 26:41. The poem, written by Gemmia L. Vanvant, daughter of famed life coach Iyanla Vanzant spoke volumes to me. So much so, I blogged it. Ironically, I had purchased the book in 1998. As I began to read it, I realized that I am in the same cycle, feeling the same way I did almost 20 years later.
When I saw the subject title of the introduction page, I was really excited for that is the slogan for this blog. I knew God was talking and saying “it is time daughter to step into what I have called you to do, but it starts with you.” The spirit is willing…As I read the pages, I noticed, that I had highlighted a paragraph that had to have touched my soul back then and is doing the same now.
Someone once told me that I need the come out of this “whirlwind”. I remember being offended…But I never forgot it. what she called a whirlwind, was what Iyanla called “Insanity”. She says in her book, “It is the kind of insanity that keeps you in a struggle for control of your life and everyone in it.” (p.12 One Day My Soul Just Opened Up). This “insanity had me doing things, pushing myself, wanting to do more, be better and get ahead. She was right. That is what I was doing. I wanted to be the best at everything. As a career I am a paralegal. NYU graduate, NALA certified. Not enough. I went for my advanced certification in Contracts Administration and Management. I am a Liturgical Dancer. So I went and got m Masters and PhD in Religious Fine Arts in Dance. Not enough. I hold a leadership position at my church, took on the responsibility of garment ministry, administration, and at times choreographer. Not enough. In my personal life, I was wife, husband ( I am married by the way), head of household, decision maker, mother, sister, friend, foe, volunteer, helper, PTA Executive Board Member. Not enough. Unfortunately, because I am insane, when I got ahead, when I was better, when I got more, it was still NOT ENOUGH. “The insanity that is being identified here is the kind that made me forget, who walks besides me and who lives inside of me and as a result shut down my soul. I could not have articulated that any better. I shut down. All of the things I described above, didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered. I was in a state of existing, all the while trying to live. A part of me knew that there was something bigger than me waiting to be born. I felt it, kicking, moving… It is time to enter into my soul. At last!
The Exodus Journey
I am ready to come out of this. To truly open up my soul so that I what it is is God needs to use me for, I am ready. As I journey to remove the veil, I will hold on to what the Spirit of the Lord has been compelling me to do, the “thing” that people see in me that I am struggling to see in myself. Laughing at times at how God Himself is showing me “ME”, and I am still questioning the calling. My soul shut down, but it is about to open up.
I will “Remain Open. For there is truly something bigger than I know going on.”
On the journey to “Tear The Veil.” 40 days to a Brand new me.