When I think of “TRUST” I think about all the times I put my trust in someone only to be left disappointed in their failure to perform or meet my expectations. I did not even trust God. Funny because I knew to call on him when I needed something and trusted that He would make it happen; I trusted Him enough to know that He would keep me safe, and even thanked Him every time He did. Putting my trust IN God is a whole different topic. As I began to grow in Christ, and learn more about who He is, I was always in awe, (as a parent) about how Abraham trusted God so much that he was willing to sacrifice his son of promise, just because God said so. Though I know the reason and the result of Abraham’s obedience, I still find it hard to trust God in all things concerning me. This is why I am on this journey.
TRUST: The reliance upon God for sustenance and supply. Yep, I am good with that. A mental and emotional recognition and acceptance that the presence of God as the ultimate good is all-powerful and everywhere present. Mental. Nope. Emotional, yes. See, if I could just get my mental to align with my spiritual, all will be right with my world. (excerpt from One Day My Soul Just Opened Up, p. 32)
It has taken me a very long time to trust God in everything. I trust Him in some things, but not EVERYTHING. I often look back on my childhood, and wonder why God allowed those things to happen. If He loved me so much, why didn’t He protect me. However, all of this was not revealed to me until I gave my life over to Christ, accepting Him as my Lord and Savior. It was like eating the forbidden fruit of Knowledge. Now that I was made aware of Who He is to me, I looked back over my life and said “Wait, so where were you when…?” “So you let…happen and never stepped in and saved me? “Why did you wait so long to reveal Yourself to me?” I then became angry with God because I felt that He had betrayed a TRUST in Him I didn’t know I was supposed to have in the first place.
When I truly look back over my life, I did have a Divine TRUST, that trust that is inherent to my soul. What I failed to do was TRUST God to provide me with the wisdom to make the right decision in every circumstance in my life. TRUST Him where you can’t Trace Him. Walk by Faith, not by sight. Easier said than done when what you see, does not align with what you believe.
What I realize now is that I TRUSTED in my own ability, and not God’s Infinite Wisdom to direct me.
Moving forward, I will “TRUST in God to provide me with the wisdom to make the right decision under every circumstance I encounter. (Iyanla Vanzant One Day My Soul Just Opened Up, Day Two).
I am on my way to being God’s version of me.
I am TRUSTING the process.