Reclaiming My Time- Pressing the Reset Button #88 8/17 New Beginings

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Two years ago this month, August 2015, I wrote my first blog in an effort to heal myself from some things that were keeping me from my destiny and purpose.  The title was 8-1…The First Day of My New Beginnings.  I was so proud of myself.  Looking back at the post, I realized that I was still not completely honest, nor prepared for my healing process.  Maxine Waters did something that day in Congress that changed what I and fellow African-American women will no longer tolerate:  being silenced, talked over and man-splained.  It is a call for women and people of color to reclaim their time and power.

For me, it was a call to action to get back up, reclaim time lost and press the reset button on Tear The Veil, Inc.  I allowed “life” to shift my focus off my purpose and destiny to the cares of the world, and my season that God has already given me victory over.  I slowly and comfortably placed the “veil” back on, wallowed in my perception of how my life was going and dropped the ball on the path to my Destiny.  I revisited that post and decided to revise it the place in my life that I am now.

The number eight in the Bible signifies Resurrection and Regeneration. It is the number of a new beginning. Eight is 7 plus 1 and since it comes just after seven, which itself signifies an end to something, so eight is also associated with the beginning of a new era or that of a new order.

In 2016, I fell back into a spiritual coma,  having a breathing machine called “survival” where I rested in its safety to keep me alive and breathing.  I was not “brain dead” though.  I went to work, my brain had to be fully functional because I am a paralegal, excuse me..an Advanced Certified Paralegal in Contracts Management and Administration. Big Stuff! I am a wife, a mother of three wonderful children, two of them adults. I am an entrepreneur of two or three businesses.  I was alive, on a breathing machine but I was in a comatose state, trying to figure out, where my life was going…AGAIN!

“It’s in you” I would hear folks whisper. “Girl you got this, it’s in you, that’s what you do…” “OMG, Girl you are sitting on a gold mine with these products…”  But when I looked in the mirror, I still couldn’t see what they saw. The gifts, the potential, the talent; the opportunity to make money making products that “just came to me.”   Yet I was fighting to live. Life had taken its toll on me. Circumstances, valley moments, pain, hurt, disappointments, joy, laughter, happiness, all rolled into one.

There is a battle for my life, a war for my soul.   I fight daily to stay in the game of life. Satan has asked God permission to wreak havoc in my life on several occasions.  I am fighting, at times surrendering, but as August marks the 8th month of the year 2017, I am reclaiming my time lost, and pressing the reset button.  I am coming out of my coma and into my destiny that is waiting for me.

My day has come, my seasons are here! All that was within me is starting to become ALIVE. It took 3 months of “rehabilitation” my destiny gene is unlocking, my circle of friends is changing, my way of thinking is changing. I am awake, journeying into my DESTINY.

I look in the mirror and ask myself  “What is holding me back from living my BEST LIFE?”  The answer was simple…”ME”

Whenever anybody tries to distract me or block me (even with praise or platitudes) I’m gonna have to let them know that I’m #ReclaimingMyTime!!!!!!!”

There will be GLORY after this!!!

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To Be Totally Free

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In the series entitled “Wilderness to Promise”, and this journey of self-healing, I never took into account my relationship with money.  Throughout this journey, I have talked about, mainly, my spiritual health.  I talked about my mental health and my physical health.  There was still something missing, I was still feeling unhappy as if something was missing to make me whole, you know the complete of the puzzle.

It is not until recently when I had an argument with my mother that I realized, that my finances were not in order.  I was hit with an income execution order and realized how financially unstable I am.  I have a business that I have invested so much in with little return; I am living as if my meek paycheck (grateful) will sustain the lifestyle I am accustomed to…Heck, I can’t even afford a one bedroom apartment with the money I am making.  I can’t save enough to move out of my mother’s home, and it indirectly affected my spiritual health.

The journey to complete healing must include money.  Money, the abundance or lack thereof will take a toll on anyone.  N.O.T.R.I.O.U.S. Big, said it best;” More Money More Problems…” and the lack thereof has the exact same effect.  Even as I write this, I am feeling a twinge of pain because I feel stuck, my independence has been stripped from me.  I am bound once again to a place, I never thought I would be.  I am hurt, angry, disappointed, defeated…and yet I still cling to the HOPE of GOD that He will see me through this Wilderness Experience.  I have prayed, cried, been still, pretended that everything is ok…

I asked God for a reset. And He answered. And I am taking the steps necessary to start over, do things right this time.  Learn to have a healthy relationship with money.  The same way I am pushing towards the mark of restoring my relationship with God.  It takes discipline, but I am so ready.

I want to be TOTALLY FREE. (Spiritually Free, Mentally Free, Debt Free)

Unveiled by Dominique-Truly Defined

Blind to the Truth

For an entire year, I couldn’t figure it out.  I knew what the problem was, I knew the solution and yet I struggled.  I struggled with my Identity. I struggled with knowing WHO I am and WHOSE I am… I thought I was on a path to breaking the chains, removing the veil… Until I came across this blog.  It could not have articulated any better what my spirit self knew and my mind could not not process nor think.  It was as if I was pushing against something and that something was pushing back.  It brought me back to a dream that I had not too long ago.  In the dream, I was in a church, my home church.  I walked towards a door, opened it and went in; it was dark.   I sensed a trap, and before I could turn around to hold the door, the door immediately slammed behind me… shut. In the dream I yelled ” Damn you Satan!” I woke up annoyed, saying to myself, “this can’t be right!” How can I let Satan get the best of me. Satan has trapped me into darkness. Where was God My Heavenly Father? I also remembered thinking it was the first time I had called Satan by name.  It was empowering and defeating all at the same time.  I had come to realize that it was the trick of the enemy in my mind.

The Key to the house of David

ONLY God shuts doors no man can open. Not Satan.  In a sermon shared by Stanley Vasu, it reminded me that sometimes the Lord closes a door because it is not according to His will and purpose . When the apostles attempted to preach the Gospel in Asia and Bithynia they were forbidden by the Holy Ghost to go there. It was not the plan of God for them to go there at that time . Therefore we should be willing to accept the will and the purpose of God when He closes a door in our lives . We should not become disappointed and bitter against God when He closes a door that we wanted Him to open for us. We should trust that the Lord works everything for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. We should earnestly seek God for His revelation so that we can realize it when the Lord has closed a door for us and submit to His will.

This ring is serves as a constant reminder of what God has placed on my shoulder.

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I will place on his shoulder the key to the house of David; what he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open.

 

The Unveiling Truly Begins

The Elders say “Tell the Truth, Shame the Devil.”  I fought God hard on being transparent, vulnerable…But here I am…Ready to unveil the truth about me.  For 38 years I’ve lived life veiled. Just like a horse with blinders on, like someone who has lost their glasses. I have not been able to see clearly, Satan has literally covered my eyes so I can see just enough, but not completely. This is what I called the “confetti in my life.”  I’ve had glimpses of a true walk with God, despite the distractions the enemy has so cleverly placed before me. And it seems most often I fall head first into his trap and dwell.

Overall, I see I have chosen to believe Satan’s lies. Why? Because he is so subtle, and so good at his job.  I see how he has been in control of my prayer life. I’ve prayed fervently for certain situations or people or circumstances to change. Claiming all kinds of scriptures, uttering the same words Jesus told Satan on the mountain ‘It is written..” before reminding Satan what truly is the Word of God. I also quote quite often  James 5:16, “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”.

Now, through the beginnings of unveiled eyes, I see that the prayers of the righteous are for internal change. For an open heart before the Lord, for my life to be pleasing and glorifying to him; for me to change not my circumstances or those around me.  That He will give me a heart of gratitude & joy amidst complete CHAOS!

Friend, let me tell you James 5:16 is TRUE. He will and can change your heart.  Your prayers are powerful and effective. He will unveil your eyes when you ask Him.  And, when He does what you see is AMAZING. What you are looking at is the same, but what you see is completely different. Its so much more.  You are able to see the absolute bondage Satan has you in and you see the complete FREEDOM that is found in Christ!

There is a story in 2nd Kings 6, where Elisha and his servant find themselves under siege by an army.  The servant says to Elisha, “What are we going to do; there are only two of us against then entire army”?  Elisha says (v. 16) “Don’t be afraid, there are more of us than those who are with them”.  Then, Elisha prays, “OPEN HIS EYES “(unveil him).  The scripture says that the servant sees hills full of horses and chariots of fire!  He saw the Lord’s army a complete other realm!  I want to see that, to be unveiled!  To be able to see what’s really going on around me, to take my head out of the sand.

The author of Hebrews in chapter 12 tells us to throw off the sin that so easily (and subtly) entangles us and FIX our EYES on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, and run with perseverance the race marked before us.

Paul tells us in Ephesians 6 to put on the full armor of God.  That the battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the powers of this dark world.  To me he is saying _(blank)__ is not the enemy, Satan is.  He just has you fooled.  Stop fixating on __blank__ and start fixing your eyes on JESUS.  Look just above the chaos, He’s there.

Realistically what does this look like?

 

1) Remove the veil:

I’m learning that first I have to ask him to remove the veil.  Show me where Satan is telling me lies and I believe them.  Psalm 119:18 says open the eyes of my heart.   In Psalm 139: 23-24 David ask God to search him and know him to find the anxious thoughts. And lead him to the way of the everlasting.

2) Take thoughts captive

Secondly I am learning to take my thoughts captive. 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, with emphasis on v.5 a We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. Therefore, we should take our thoughts captive and compare them to the TRUTH.  Once we really compare what we are thinking to the Truth of God’s word, Satan’s lies become obvious.

3) Fix my eyes on Jesus

 

Last, what I am working on is fixing my eyes on Jesus (Hebrews 12:2). I’m learning that if I’m fixated on __blank__, then I’m not fixed on Jesus.  Philippians 3:8 tells us whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy, we should think about these things.

One of the enemy’s most powerful lies is that you don’t have power over him or that he’s not there.  This is a LIE.  Even the weakest believer is more powerful than Satan.  James 4:7 says resist the devil and he will flee from you.  Don’t let Satan continue to keep your eyes closed.  Let the Holy Spirit unveil your eyes so that you can see what life is really all about.

John 10 says that you can live life to the full when you open your eyes and see Jesus.  Ask the Lord to unveil you and show you the absolute bondage you are in and how Satan has you completely paralyzed.  Ask him to really allow you to experience the unexpected joy (and complete freedom) of desperate dependence on Jesus.  Galatians 5:7 says it is for freedom that you have been set free!

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The Resurrection of Dominique

On Sunday March 27, 2016, I celebrated the Resurrection of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. There are somethings in my life that are dead and buried. Things that need to stay there. Or so I thought.   You see, along with those “things” were also hope, dreams, promises, destiny and purpose.  Buried beneath the molestation and sexual assault,  were my destiny and purpose. Beneath the storms of my life, were my hopes and dreams. Every thing to me seemed like an even plane, defined as a level of existence, thought and development. I did not understand that I was born to live, not just exist.  Buried beneath the confetti of life, lies Dominique. Born Patrice Dominique Kemp. Patrice, as I soon discovered was who and what people thought I should be.  I was trapped in a bubble that was created by others.  My life became a metaphor.  I even looked at the characters of the Bible to find that one person whose life mirrored my own.  The more I searched, the angrier I got because God had I plan, and seemed impossible to achieve.

Hiding behind “The Veil” 

Patrice meaning “Noble”, is the “veil” that I hid behind.  This “veil” is defined as having a power of expression, either in speaking or writing. Being in favor for studying and research. I am clever, clear-sighted and intellectual. I don’t like to let others know my true feelings. I am bold, independent, inquisitive and interested in research. I know what I want and why I want it.  I desire to inspire and lead, to control other’s affairs. I am giving, courageous and bold, action oriented,energetic and strong willed. I want to make a difference in the world, and this attitude often attracts me to cultural interests, politics, social issues, and the cultivation of my creative talents. However, none of this made me happy, because I knew I was still so much more.  I have been on a mission to unveil the person God created me to be. To peel off the layers of hurt, pain, and circumstances of my life. I hid my hurt, pain, anger, low self-esteem behind this veil.  It was safe, and it protected me from facing my destiny.  In my alone time, I would often look in the mirror and try to find “greatness”,  that I could not see, and yet, knowing it is there, waiting on me.

What’s in a Name?

The day I decided to use Dominique was the moment God spoke to me and said: “It’s time to remove the veil, look deep within and break free.  It’s my name right? Not some fictitious name to hide my true identity. It’s a redefinition of who I am, who God has called me to be.  Origin of the name Dominique: Bestowed upon both females and males in France, Dominique is from the Latin Dominicus (Belonging To God), which is derived from dominus (a master, a lord).  There you have it!  I am a true child of God.  I belong to God!   I have always loved my name Dominique.  I always knew that it was powerful.  I was inspired to write my very first blog 8-1…The First Day of My New Beginnings.  August 1, 2015 is the day my name was changed to “Dominique.” The implication is that we all receive “names” from the world–Patrice Dominique. However, God has a promise for our lives as well, and His name for us is different. It expresses our personal relationship with God and the high value He places on us.

For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 NAS

When God is ready to bring His Chosen in to their true destiny, he changes their names and their identity. For example, Abram became Abraham, Sarai became Sarah, Jacob became Israel.

AbrahamGenesis 17:4-6 “4“As for Me, behold, My covenant is with you, And you will be the father of a multitude of nations. 5“No longer shall your name be called Abram, But your name shall be Abraham; For I will make you the father of a multitude of nations. 6“I will make you exceedingly fruitful, and I will make nations of you, and kings will come forth from you”…

Sarah: Genesis 17:15-16 “15Then God said to Abraham, “As for Sarai your wife, you shall not call her name Sarai, but Sarah shall be her name. 16“I will bless her, and indeed I will give you a son by her. Then I will bless her, and she shall be a mother of nations; kings of peoples will come from her.”… 

Jacob: Genesis 32:28
Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”

Dominique redefined me.  I use the name primarily for my business and “Unveiled by Dominique” which will soon launch as a platform, a movement for women to remove the veil to reveal their strength.  Dominique symbolizes my Destiny, my Freedom, My Purpose.  Dominique is symbolic of the resurrection of those things that was once considered dead. When people call me Dominique, there is a call to action that is awaken inside of me, a story that needs to be told, my story… Dominique is a legacy in the making.  Dominique makes a bold statement to the world that I truly belong to God and because of that I have survived what only God knew I could handle.  Only God can bring the dead things back to life.

There is a song that I love, that speaks to my resurrection. “wasted enough, of my DESTINY, trying to please those who really didn’t care about me, But I’m trusting You, for you hold the plans just FOR MY LIFE”.  In my desperate need for a change, I am giving it all to God so I can live FREE!!!

For My name means “I am Noble” and “I Belong to God”!

Eyes have not seen, Ears have not heard, neither has it entered into the heart of man the things that God has prepared for me.

Removing the veil.  Follow me and watch Him do it!

Dominique

 

A Year ago this month, I didn’t know why the caged bird sings

A year ago this month (August), I sat in my corporate office and cried my soul out, as I thought about my state of being.  I remember that it started with a simple thought,  I don’t think that any ONE thing provoked it; “I feel like a caged bird, fighting to take flight, but the bars, I keep crashing my wings into these bars.” Though I have only seen it once or twice, I had a visual of what a bird must feel like, unable to take flight, and then eventually dying.   I felt as if I as dying in this corporate life.  I needed to be free, no I needed FREEDOM! Freedom to be there for my son to be a part of his school activities and academic success; freedom to promote my business, to make products with out feeling that I was pushing my self to unnecessary limits. There was a creative birth about to happen, I was in labor, but the water wouldn’t break.  So I cried, I cried until in hurt, as I sat in my office.  In that moment, the words of one of my favorite authors-Maya Angelou- came to mind. “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”  I had no words to really explain how I was feeling. And I truly didn’t know at the time what the untold story inside of me was.
“Hoping for the best, prepared for the worst, and unsurprising by anything in between.”


I closed my eyes and said a prayer: Father, 2015 cannot catch me here in this place. I know you don’t do things the way we want, I want to be a work at home mom, not a stay at home mom ( I made sure I was clear), however You choose, just help me through the process.”  I felt a sense of peace come over me. I did what I knew how to do best. Take action.  I immediately called a friend I know that did contract work.  I told her my experience.  She gave me hope because she believed in my business, my products, she believed in me.  She asked me to send her me resume.  within an hour, she had created another resume for “contract work”, saying I needed two kinds of resume based on the jobs I was seeking.
In October 2014, I landed my first virtual paralegal job. I was so excited! I was doing contracts management.  I was working two jobs.  But that was not the plan, not the request.  I allowed myself to once again get caught up the comforts of the status quo, reasoning that I was making “extra income”.  There was a petition before God, one that came not haphazardly, but from my soul.
In December 2014, the assignment was over. “Father, 2015 cannot catch me here, I have two weeks to go. Do You!”  My prayers seemed to go unanswered.  Why am I still here, flapping my wings against these bars?
Where did I go wrong in my life?  Why does success seem so unattainable?  The darkness that seemed to surround me was like death, the ultimate fate of a caged bird trying to take flight but can’t. The spiritual progression from darkness to light was reminding me of a lesson that had learned long ago, but refused to apply to my life.  It just seemed practical to try to fly, to believe that eventually, my wings would force open the cage.
When I was laid off, the cage door was opened.  I took flight, flew fast and high, not aimlessly, but with a plan.
This month I know why I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, 25 years later (I read the book in high school) I truly understand the message the Dr. Maya Angelou was sending.  A timeless message. Dr. Angelou finds out what she is truly made of through trials and is refined into a person of intense character and stamina.  As for me, the pain from trials and growth into adulthood is truly for my good, my resilience continues to shape an amazing character in me because I will always persist to survive.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

You can find a life-sized wax figure of the amazing Dr. Maya Angelou at Madame Tussauds! 
A wax figure of Maya Angelou seen on display at Madame Tussauds on December 6, 2013 in New York City.
 
Madame Tussauds offers visitors the ultimate celebrity experience, allowing them to interact with jaw-droppingly life-like wax figures of the most famous pop stars, Hollywood legends, sporting heroes and historical icons – all within one attraction. We have 4 US locations – New York, Hollywood, Las Vegas and Washington, DC.

Being Martha- The Transformation Begins

As I continue to live out Psalm 139,  God begin to really speak, and I was taking the time to really listen.  Now we all know that God does not always have a “burning bush moment” with us, but He will use what ever means necessary to reach us.  I subscribe to the ‘spirit of prophesy Bulletin” by Faith Tabernacle with Bill and Marsha Burns (http://ft111.com/) and God has been using this man and woman of God to touch my heart especially when I am going through. Don’t you just Love God? My Abba was addressing my issues and answering my prayers and addressing my concerns and my character though this bulletin, and the Holy Spirit.  It was during my recovery from surgery—when I had no choice but to be still–that I begin to really discern His voice. He began to lead me down the “path of righteousness for His Name Sake.”

There was a clear battle going on in my mind and I was tired of losing it.  The stronghold of “Martha” was being used against me and was slowly taking me out of the will of God.  I was making decisions based on this stronghold; right ones and wrong ones. Daily, the Holy Spirit would send Word from my Daddy about what I should, whose I am,  What needed to be changed in me.  I was listening.

First I had to deal with my insecurities.  While I do exhibit confidence, it is sometimes a mask to the surety of things.  I never realized how deep my insecurities ran, because “Martha” was always in control of the emotions.  I had to deal with years of feeling unloved, of forgiving myself for self inflicted hurt. I had a lot of baggage to let go of. I buried myself in activities–here goes Martha again–hoping to fill a void.  But when it was all said and done, I felt lonely, and as an only child, sometimes that is not always a good feeling.  My Bishop prophesied that if I came all the way over in God, that He will fill that void. And all of my needs would be met.  There is so much I want God to do, so many promises that have not yet been fulfilled and I am not getting any younger, though I know our timing is not His.

So I am allowing my self to be transformed.  I know that the enemy will fight me at every turn, but if I just stay focused on God, remembering to stay prayerful, I know that I will be transformed in to the woman God has purposed me to be.  I was sharing my journey with my friend one day and she said something to me that was very profound.  She said that God was uncovering my issues layer by layer, the same way an archeologist uncovers its discovery; digging it up all ay once would destroy me mentally, my mind couldn’t handle it.  i received it, I am very careful about who I allow in my ear.  Uncovering it all, all at once my not be the healthiest thing.

Daily I fight for my transformation. To be a Woman After God’s Own Heart!!!!

A Woman After Gods Own Heart-The Spirit of King David, Mary and Martha

Being Martha-The Gemini

15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

ROMANS 7:15-24

It is not surprising that I can identify with the Gemini trait as I am one-June 16.  This two-faced astrological sign. Being one way with some and another way with others. Moody some people called it.  But within, there was some sort of schizophrenic personality that I try o hard to hide from people.  Who is this other person? I don’t know. I like her though. she is cool when needed.  But as I began to grow in Christ, I realized that this “twin” was not a twin at all. It was the flesh working against the spirit.  She had been such apart of my life, strong-willed, determined, defensive, protective. No one was allowed to get close to her sister, and if the sister allowed it, she lay in wait at the first opportunity to strike.  One day I stumbled across Romans 7. Not really sure how. In that moment I saw my spirit self and flesh across the pages of the Bible, the Living Word of God.  The turmoil of wanting to be one way, but acting another.  And the further my walk in Christ, the harder it got.

“Whether we realize it or not, we all have a little Dr. Jekyl and Ms. Hyde going on inside…We all feel the influence of the Flesh Woman–the unholy roommate, [my twin]…She is that contrary, rebellious, incredibly self-centered version of you who shows up when things don’t go the way you planned and life seems habitually unfair” Unleashing Twanda, p.27.  My twin however is a force to be reckoned with.  Unpredictable, sensitive, like a storm; she brews on the inside. Always watching, processing, eliminating the garbage.  Content in who she is, makes no apologies for defending what she believes is right–even if she is wrong.  As I use “Having a Mary Spirit- Allowing God to change is from the Inside out” as a guide in my transformation to be the woman of God I am destined to be, every page is is a mirror of me. Joan Weaver descibes her Flesh Woman as having an attitude of righteous indignation used to justify the not-so-righteous anger..The flattery poured on in order to secure coveted positions, the false humility in which we cloak ourselves while secretly hoping to be admired.  I know her too, she is my twin.  Determined to remain in control of my life, whatever the cost.

Daily, I struggle to gain control of Woman of God in me. But the cares of this world makes it easy sometimes to let my twin take over.  I must remember that safety is not behind the mask of my twin but in the arms of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  Romans 7 tells me why my twin is so strong, but Romans 8 gives me the hope to know that His dying was not in vain.  As I press on to be like Mary and be a Woman after God’s own heart, I purpose to peel back the layers that I have brought me to this battlefield.