To Be Totally Free

Image result for money health

In this series in “Wilderness to Promise”, and this journey of self-healing, I never took into account my relationship with money.  Throughout this journey, I have talked about, mainly, my spiritual health.  I talked about my mental health and my physical health.  There was still something missing, I was still feeling unhappy as if something was missing to make me whole, you know the complete of the puzzle.

It is not until recently when I had an argument with my mother that I realized, that my finances were not in order.  I was hit with an income execution order and realized how financially unstable I am.  I have a business that I have invested so much in with little return; I am living as iff my meek paycheck (grateful) will sustain the lifestyle I ma accustomed to…Heck, I can’t even afford a one bedroom apartment with the money I am making.  I can’t save enough to move out of my mother’s home, and it indirectly affected my spiritual health.

The journey to complete healing must include money.  Money, the abundance or lack thereof will take a toll on anyone.  N.O.T.R.I.O.U.S. Big, said it best;” More Money More Problems…” and the lack thereof has the exact same effect.  Even as I write this, I am feeling a twinge of pain because I feel stuck, my independence has been stripped from me.  I am bound once again to a place, I never thought I would be.  I am hurt, angry, disappointed, defeated…and yet I still cling to the HOPE of GOD that He will see me through this Wilderness Experience.  I have prayed, cried, been still, pretended that everything is ok…

I asked God for a reset. And He answered. And I am taking the steps necessary to start over, do things right this time.  Learn to have a healthy relationship with money.  The same way I am pushing towards the mark of restoring my relationship with God.  It takes discipline, but I am so ready.

I want to be TOTALLY FREE. (Spiritually Free, Mentally Free, Debt Free)

Advertisements

Dropped it in 2016

I knew that God wanted to do something new in my life and heal the wounds of my past. I was so sure, that when the theme came to my spirit, I was confident that I was hearing the voice of God. “From Girlhood to Womanhood…A Journey- Healing the Invisible Wounds.”

I knew that God wanted to do something new in my life and heal the wounds of my past.  I was so sure, that when the theme came to my spirit, I was confident that I was hearing the voice of God.  “From Girlhood to Womanhood…A Journey- Healing the Invisible Wounds.”  A voice within that needed to be heard, because I was all too familiar with the “invisible wounds”.  The date was set. November 11, 2016.  I was excited, determined, but also without direction and guidance from the One who called me… Adonai, El-Shaddai, My Lord, My Father.  I trusted people to help me carry this vision.  I was promised a venue.  I had speakers lined up. I had sponsors.  The harder I worked, the harder it got.  I was looking for support from friends and family, but when that did not seem to happen, I allowed disappointment, self-doubt, and failure to consume me. I was talking a good game of faith but didn’t have any.  I found myself alone, hurt and disappointed…Right, where God wanted me.

Yes, God did want to do something new in my life and heal the wounds of my past.  Yes, I know that part of my destiny is to help other women.  He was bringing back to my remembrance the Prophetic Word over my life concerning this, and in my mind, what better time to go forth than when I myself am going through…We can all heal together, right?

We often times like to assign blame to the enemy what it is God saying “No, not yet.”  I was convinced that the enemy was trying to silence me. Keep me from my Purpose and Destiny by throwing distractions my way.  The harder I fought, the weaker I got.  I am not a quitter so I held on until I had no choice but to “let go”.  To drop it, and admit defeat and failure.  Leaving me feeling embarrassed.

Willing to “Let Go” of the Old.

“Letting go” seemed to be a common theme for me toward the end of 2016.  I have been searching for the door to freedom.  Looking back at my blog posts here on  Unveiled By Dominique, I saw the detailing of my different journeys but like the Israelites searching for the Promise Land, going around in a circle.  I started on a 40 Day Journey and only got up to Day 15.  I didn’t know what I was holding on to.  I mean, I did…Something in my childhood.  A familiar feeling, a spirit that plagued me all of my life.  I just could not identify it.   There seemed to be an unwillingness to face my own demons and heal.  Holding on to the pain because it justified my current situation.  When that “demon” is all you know, “letting go” is not easy.

All Things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.

179_640x640

Honor Yourself Part II Day-9-13 (One Day My Soul Just Opened Up)

Yes, I am playing catch up.  I have been reflecting and still searching for that thing that will break me free from the bondage of lack of self worth.  So I got to Day 4 of the Journey and allowed myself to be busy with things, people and situations that was not honoring me.  There was a pause on the prayer that I was so excited and eager about.  I lost focus.

Today as I was walking home from work, I asked myself a very important question: What did I ever truly dream of doing or being…I drew a blank.

Awareness

“You cannot fix what you cannot face”-James Baldwin.  Deep!! As I am reading the book One Day My Soul Just Opened up by Iyanla Vanzant, I am beginning to realize that I have not been the only person in this world who felt the way I felt or did the things I did.  This book is as if Iyanla herself had peeked into my past and wrote a whole book about it.  People would tell me I looked angry all the time and I was unapproachable.  Defensive…Stand-Offish…Living in a whirlwind…Little did I know, as the the book states that Life was trying to tell me something about myself.   I was intimidating…Funny because when people said that about me, I would chuckle and tell them, “Girl, I am the least of the problems…” What I was unaware of is that I was not being representative of the the God I serve, but being a complete idiot.  There are so many things, and relationships I can’t take back.  People I offended because I was in a state of self hurt.  I was in on auto defensive mode. Jobs lost because I was perceived as “threat.”  Iyanla said it best: “They were saying that I was defensive and combative.  Whenever these things were said to me, I would become offended and would go into a long tirade about people not knowing me, what I thought or how I felt.” Real talk.  I could not have articulated it any better.  I am working on changing me, finding the “me” behind the veil.

Acceptance

My whole marriage was a farce from the beginning.  A rebound relationship at best, but if found myself pregnant with my second child, his first.  Abortion was not an option because I had promised God that if He ever gave me the chance again to carry life, I would not throw it away except in the case of a sexual assault.  Now see, that is power.  When did I loose the strength to come boldly before God and “bargain”.  He accepted the covenant because He knew I was serious and blessed me with three beautiful children.  I gladly accepted the life of being a mother.  However, being a wife was a whole different story.  Our story was built on dishonesty from the very beginning.  I did not want to accept the fact that I was going to be a single mother like all of the women in my life; I wanted to be married. I knew going in who this man was, a good father, a horrible mate.  He cheated, time and time again.   But because of my failure to accept the reality of the situation in that moment, I denied myself he power to make the conscious decision to leave him, regardless of the fact that I would have been a single mother of three.  For that reason I was really living be default.  I prayed to my God that He dissolve the marriage.  I wanted out.  I have two adult children and a teenager who is soon off to college. In my mind, the co-parenting is over.  I am accepting the fact, that all things work together for the good of those that love God and are called according to His purpose.  Everything is by design. I accept that what is coming to me is coming at the right time in the right way.

Affirmation:

The truth of who I am cannot be altered or changed

Image result for Affirmation

 

Choice

The willingness to make a conscious choices is another way of demonstrating that you are ready to find new ways of living and being before your are forced into it.-Iyanla Vanzant One Day My Soul Just Opened Up

Image result for choice

 

Conservation

It is a state of mindful relaxation.  My prayer for me and an affirmation for some is: ” Teach me to CONSERVE my self, my gifts, my resources, so that I may always do your perfect work.  Guide me in the way I should go.  Lead me in the perfect path according to Your perfect will for my life.  Give me the wisdom, the ability to discern, and the vision to know your will and perform it with grace and ease.  For this I am so grateful!”  Amen! Iyanla Vanzant.

Stay with me, I promise Destiny is on the other side of this!

img_2713

Willing to be Creative… Day 5 & 6 (One Day My Soul Just Opened Up)

Image result for creativity and Willingness

Sometimes when on a journey, we become weary because when we look ahead, the end of said journey appears to be unattainable.  I got to day 5 of “One Day my Soul Opened Up” and got stuck.  On what exactly, I am not sure.  But I am continuing this journey because I know what lies ahead and the voice that needs to be heard.

Willingness

“Thy WILL be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven…”  “Whatsoever you loose on Earth,  will be loosed In Heaven, Whatsoever you bound on Earth will be bound in Heaven…” WILLINGNESS… The controlling and directive faculty of the mind that determines consciousness and character. (One Day My Soul Opened Up, Day 5 p. 51).  in 2008 when God asked me to be transparent before His people, I flat out told God NO! My reason was that I was not willing to be vulnerable, to allow people behind my veil, to show a sign of weakness before people who thought I had it all together.  God began to reveal to me my life in a way I had not seen it before.  It was not until August of 2015, that I began to get a glimpse of what was holding me back from my purpose.  I often think of Jesus, when He was in the Garden of Gethsemane and in a moment, He asked God the Father “Take this cup from me…Not my will but your will…”  To be willing to do something takes courage.  Jesus Christ was willing to endure all of that pain so that we may have life everlasting.  At the time I was not courageous enough to tell people that I was broken person inside living under the shadows of my childhood.  In one of my previous blogs “Broken Crayons Still Color”  I was reminded that out of my brokenness, God had multiplied something… now I have something to be able to share with others, a truth, a testimony about what is now an empowerment movement, a Women’s Empowerment Movement called Tear the Veil Inc.

Image result for willingness

“That word is ‘willing.’ It’s an attitude and spirit of cooperation that should permeate our conversations. It’s like a palm tree by the ocean that endures the greatest winds because it knows how to gracefully bend.” -Stephen Kendrick

 

Creativity

The invisible force behind all things seen.  Ponder on that for a moment. In the beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth… And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the water-Genesis 1:1-2.  The Invisible Force behind all things seen.  That is Creativity defined.  Creativity comes from the inside and then comes out.  It starts with a thought; going back to the Book of Genesis, when God created the Earth, He realized that the Earth He had just created was without form and void..And He moved upon the face of the waters and said ‘Let there be light…And guess what? There was light.  If we are all created in the image of God, ad we have the likeness of God, then we are just as creative as God.  But we fail to tape into that creativity at times because our thoughts are a reflection of our experiences.  What does that mean? I was unwilling to be creative because I was in a broken space. I was not allowing my thoughts and word produce results, because I refused to act on it.  Iyanly Vanzant says the creation process is: Thoughts + Word + Action= Results.  Without those three, there is no result.  Period.

Image result for creativity

 

What are you WILLING to CREATE Today?

 

The Trust Factor Day-2 (One Day My Soul Just Opened Up)

976132030603e7cd4f02647e9af34198

When I think of “TRUST” I think about all the times I put my trust in someone only to be left disappointed in their failure to perform or meet my expectations.  I did not even trust God.  Funny because I knew to call on him when I needed something and trusted that He would make it happen; I trusted Him enough to know that He would keep me safe, and even thanked Him every time He did. Putting my trust IN God is a whole different topic.  As I began to grow in Christ, and learn more about who He is, I was always in awe, (as a parent) about how Abraham trusted God so much that he was willing to sacrifice his son of promise, just because God said so. Though I know the reason and the result of Abraham’s obedience, I still find it hard to trust God in all things concerning me.  This is why I am on this journey.

TRUST: The reliance upon God for sustenance and supply.  Yep, I am good with that.  A mental and emotional recognition and acceptance that the presence of God as the ultimate good is all-powerful and everywhere present.  Mental.  Nope.  Emotional, yes.  See, if I could just get my mental to align with my spiritual,  all will be right with my world. (excerpt from One Day My Soul Just Opened Up, p. 32)

It has  taken me a very long time to trust God in everything.  I trust Him in some things, but not EVERYTHING.  I often look back on my childhood, and wonder why God allowed those things to happen.  If He loved me so much, why didn’t He protect me.  However, all of this was not revealed to me until I gave my life over to Christ, accepting Him as my Lord and Savior.  It was like eating the forbidden fruit of Knowledge.  Now that I was made aware of Who He is to me,  I looked back over my life and said “Wait, so where were you when…?” “So you let…happen and never stepped in and saved me? “Why did you wait so long to reveal Yourself to me?” I then became angry with God because I felt that He had betrayed a TRUST in Him I didn’t know I was supposed to have in the first place.

When I truly look back over my life, I did have a Divine TRUST, that trust that is inherent to my soul. What I failed to do was TRUST God to provide me with the wisdom to make the right decision in every circumstance in my life.  TRUST Him where you can’t Trace Him. Walk by Faith, not by sight. Easier said than done when what you see, does not align with what you believe.

What I realize now is that I TRUSTED in my own ability, and not God’s Infinite Wisdom to direct me.

Moving forward, I will “TRUST in God to provide me with the wisdom to make the right decision under every circumstance I encounter. (Iyanla Vanzant One Day My Soul Just Opened Up, Day Two).

I am on my way to being God’s version of me.

I am TRUSTING the process.

new signature logo

Destiny is pushing my Purpose to move

How many different ways does someone have to tell you what you what you already know?  How difficult is it to really stand in your purpose so that you can get to your destiny?

Passion + Purpose = Destiny

There is a wall.  It is mental. I am reminded of the scripture in Romans 7 “the spirit is willing bu the flesh is weak…” Weak to the invisible wounds that I won’t allow to heal. Allowing myself to be trapped in it because it acts as a shield again pain, hurt and disappointment.  Bishop T.D. Jakes said it best in his book ” Your Mind may guide you in what you do, but your heart affirms your passion for doing it, and that leads you to resolve the way of your life…As you stand back from yourself and see the push of instincts welded with the pull of purpose that leads you into destiny,  you will know the events and circumstances in your life equate to more than just coincidences or mere facts.  The coming together of all of these events and connections, some seemingly random, are the results of divine orchestration to empower to accomplish what God has placed in you.” Destiny: Stepping into your Purpose by Bishop T.D. Jakes.  Like I said, its mental.  I had to chuckle at this passage because, the day before writing this blog, I was sitting in the laundromat, minding my own business, and this woman, randomly (lol) struck up a conversation, about DVD’s that led to the sharing of her failed marriage and confessions of adultery.  I chuckle because of the weekend prior to that encounter, a woman whispered in my ear “Women need to hear our voice…”

I have a story, deeply rooted in childhood experiences, distorted by my childhood views and adult point view. Experiences that served as the pieces of fabric woven together to create the “veil” I am so desperately wanting to tear.

If only I could see past the confetti…to see who God has purposed me to be…

Tear The Veil. Inc.

new signature logo

 

 

Coming out of my Comfort Zone

my life and my mind are struggling to line up with my spirit, fighting with the spirit in me to keep me bound (Romans 7).

escape

The time has come the and the hour is now, that the Father seeks those that will worship Him in Spirit and in TRUTH. John 4:23

Truth… It is the Absolute, that which reveals and is in accord with the will of God as the governing principle of life. -Iyanlya Vanzant.

Truth 1- God is Life, God is Spirit, God is Mind, God is the only power that is in control of life, spirit, and mind.

This has always been a challenge for me, even now as a Woman of God, no longer a “babe in Christ”.  I have always been of the belief that we are put on this Earth to “do”, and then you die.  I was taught that God is this unattainable being, that only the worthy, titled men of God can communicate with.  Growing up Catholic, my spirit never believed that.  I never embraced praying to saints, though I did because that is what I was taught. My spirit knew that it had a direct connection with God the Son. It was not until later in life that I came to realize the true meaning the Trinity, God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit. And still, my life and my mind are struggling to line up with my spirit, fighting with the spirit in me to keep me bound (Romans 7).

Truth 2- There is a Godly order to everything in life.

I am exactly where God purposed I should be.  No matter how it looks. A hard pill to swallow.  Especially when things are not going right, or at least in accordance with what I believe is not right in my life.  God has me exactly where He wants me according to His will and purpose for me. Sometimes I believe that, sometimes…

Truth 3- Everybody is born to fulfill a divine purpose and God has given us everything we will ever need to fulfill that purpose.

That was something I was completely unaware of.  Which is why, when the words of “Prophecy” was spoken over my life concerning helping women, and being wealthy, and being in business, it was unthinkable as I scrutinized my life and who and where I was at that time.

CHALLENGE: Learning to live what I know is Truth every day, no matter what I think I see.

What I have come to realize is that I am aware the Truth but I am having a hard time applying the Truth to my life, because my life is not seemingly reflective of what God has predestined for me.  I am learning that there is a process that I must trust. And in trusting that process, I must not waver in what I know is the TRUTH.

I must remember that Everybody is born to fulfill a Divine Purpose, and God has given us everything we need to fulfill that purpose. God Believes in ME!!!!

Removing the Veil, one day at a time.

my-signature