From Wilderness to Promise

“The minute I get out of my own way, I will see the road ahead.” -Dominique McCullough.

I have been on this journey since 2015.  Maybe longer and I just was unaware.  My journey started out of pain, hurt and disappointment in myself mainly.  Conscious and unconscious actions and decisions led me down a path of self-destruction.  I had convinced myself that I was destined for a life of struggle.  I would get what I wanted, but it would come harder than everyone else.  As a result, I built this wall to keep hurt and pain away. If anyone tried to enter, I fought like hell.

Yes, I have been on this journey in search of my purpose, my reason for being.  My Destiny…“In the Messiah, He chose us in love before the creation of the universe to be holy and without defect in His presence”Ephesians 1:4 Complete Jewish Bible.  However, what I see is a broken little girl, who grew up to be a broken woman, in search of healing…

I have heard the voice of the prophets, I have heard the small still voice of the Holy Spirit.  I also heard the voice of Fear, and Doubt; Procrastination and Distraction.  Sets of “twins” whose job is to convince me that all God has said about me in Ephesians 1 is not true.  But I have pushed through it, fighting for what God has for me.  Not always leaning on Him, often times leaning on my own understanding.  But God keeps me, covers me, because “In all His wisdom and insight, He has made known His secret plan, which by His own will He designed beforehand in connection with the Messiah and will put into effect when the time is ripe-His plan to place everything in heaven and on Earth under the Messiah’s Headship.” Ephesians 1:8-10 Complete Jewish Bible.  Therefore His plan must come to fruition.  His purpose for me.

tumblr_ogylphrK4S1ut1kpfo1_1280When the launch of Tear The Veil, Inc. did not happen.  I was disappointed and embarrassed. I was faced with yet another hurdle, and although I really tried to tell myself, that this is all in God’s Plan, my mind, was working overtime to show me my failure.  One morning I woke up and found this in my inbox: You have endured everything from inconvenience to hardship with every circumstance leading to the understanding of life, people and yourself.  The lessons learned have been invaluable and ultimately have had the potential of making you stronger than you have ever been as you trust Me in all things.  You are truly being transformed into My image, says the Lord.
2 Corinthians 3:18 So all of us, with faces unveiled, see as in a mirror the glory of the Lord; and we are being changed into His image, from one degree of glory to the next, by Adonai the Spirit. That confirmed it all for me. Tear The Veil Inc., is going to launch as one of the most phenomenal women’s empowerment organizations in this nation…In His timing.

There is a purpose in the wilderness, my wilderness.  In 2015, I traveled to Bali and climbed to the top of the Batur Volcano Mountain.  It took two and half hours. I now understand Deuteronomy 8:2. God speaks to us in the wilderness.  God also humbles and proves us in the wilderness.  The wilderness period can last days, or years, depending on how quickly we learn its lessons.

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In the meantime, I am changing and building a new circle of women, leaving some folks behind, stepping out on faith, doing it Afraid and Alone. WALKING INTO MY DESTINY!!!!

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Being Intentional, Being Bold

It’s International Women’s Day! And I am changing my circle.  I am changing the way I think, I move, I operate.  With the leading of God, My heavenly Father, I am pushing past FEAR, defying the “Generation X” and like Madam C.J. “On My Own Grounds”.  I am going to so intentional about taking “Me” to the next level, to truly walk into my Destiny that has been calling me for years now.quote-i-have-crossed-over-on-the-backs-of-sojourner-truth-harriet-tubman-fannie-lou-hamer-oprah-winfrey-76-53-88

Happy International Women’S Day #BeIntentional and #BeBoldForChange

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I am in the Purpose Room

How many different ways does someone have to tell you what you what you already know?  How difficult is it to really stand in your purpose so that you can get to your destiny?

During this Lenten Season 2017, my fast will be non-traditional.  Growing up Catholic, we were taught that we must sacrifice our fleshy pleasures for 40 days.  I never understood why, because it is not Biblical and Jesus already atoned for our sins so that we do not have to do these rituals of atonement with whom exactly? God or Self?  In this season, I will fast as commanded by my Lod and Savior Jesus Christ.  “But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”-Matthew 6:17-18.  I will say this, though, I will be in THE PURPOSE ROOM

Passion + Purpose = Destiny

There is a wall.  It is mental. I am reminded of the scripture in Romans 7 “the spirit is willing bu the flesh is weak…” Weak to the invisible wounds that I won’t allow to heal. Allowing myself to be trapped in it because it acts as a shield again pain, hurt and disappointment.  Bishop T.D. Jakes said it best in his book ” Your Mind may guide you in what you do, but your heart affirms your passion for doing it, and that leads you to resolve the way of your life…As you stand back from yourself and see the push of instincts welded with the pull of purpose that leads you into destiny,  you will know the events and circumstances in your life equate to more than just coincidences or mere facts.  The coming together of all of these events and connections, some seemingly random, are the results of divine orchestration to empower to accomplish what God has placed in you.” Destiny: Stepping into your Purpose by Bishop T.D. Jakes.  Like I said, its mental.  I had to chuckle at this passage because, the day before writing this blog, I was sitting in the laundromat, minding my own business, and this woman, randomly (lol) struck up a conversation, about DVD’s that led to the sharing of her failed marriage and confessions of adultery.  I chuckle because of the weekend prior to that encounter, a woman whispered in my ear “Women need to hear our voice…”

I am reading the “Purpose Room” by Heather Lindsey.  I read the sample first. I should have known better. Her books are amazing. I no longer have any excuses as to why I cannot do what God has purposed me to do.  I know that God has a plan for my life.  I am hearing the call so much clearer now.

I have a story, deeply rooted in childhood experiences, distorted by my childhood views and adult point of view. Experiences that served as the pieces of fabric woven together to create the “veil” I am so desperately wanting to tear.

I am finally seeing past the confetti…Finally seeing who God has purposed and destined me to be me to be…16999091_10212289967268694_4978916473972594682_n.jpg

Stepping into my Destiny

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The Trust Factor Day-2 (One Day My Soul Just Opened Up)

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When I think of “TRUST” I think about all the times I put my trust in someone only to be left disappointed in their failure to perform or meet my expectations.  I did not even trust God.  Funny because I knew to call on him when I needed something and trusted that He would make it happen; I trusted Him enough to know that He would keep me safe, and even thanked Him every time He did. Putting my trust IN God is a whole different topic.  As I began to grow in Christ, and learn more about who He is, I was always in awe, (as a parent) about how Abraham trusted God so much that he was willing to sacrifice his son of promise, just because God said so. Though I know the reason and the result of Abraham’s obedience, I still find it hard to trust God in all things concerning me.  This is why I am on this journey.

TRUST: The reliance upon God for sustenance and supply.  Yep, I am good with that.  A mental and emotional recognition and acceptance that the presence of God as the ultimate good is all-powerful and everywhere present.  Mental.  Nope.  Emotional, yes.  See, if I could just get my mental to align with my spiritual,  all will be right with my world. (excerpt from One Day My Soul Just Opened Up, p. 32)

It has  taken me a very long time to trust God in everything.  I trust Him in some things, but not EVERYTHING.  I often look back on my childhood, and wonder why God allowed those things to happen.  If He loved me so much, why didn’t He protect me.  However, all of this was not revealed to me until I gave my life over to Christ, accepting Him as my Lord and Savior.  It was like eating the forbidden fruit of Knowledge.  Now that I was made aware of Who He is to me,  I looked back over my life and said “Wait, so where were you when…?” “So you let…happen and never stepped in and saved me? “Why did you wait so long to reveal Yourself to me?” I then became angry with God because I felt that He had betrayed a TRUST in Him I didn’t know I was supposed to have in the first place.

When I truly look back over my life, I did have a Divine TRUST, that trust that is inherent to my soul. What I failed to do was TRUST God to provide me with the wisdom to make the right decision in every circumstance in my life.  TRUST Him where you can’t Trace Him. Walk by Faith, not by sight. Easier said than done when what you see, does not align with what you believe.

What I realize now is that I TRUSTED in my own ability, and not God’s Infinite Wisdom to direct me.

Moving forward, I will “TRUST in God to provide me with the wisdom to make the right decision under every circumstance I encounter. (Iyanla Vanzant One Day My Soul Just Opened Up, Day Two).

I am on my way to being God’s version of me.

I am TRUSTING the process.

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Coming out of my Comfort Zone

my life and my mind are struggling to line up with my spirit, fighting with the spirit in me to keep me bound (Romans 7).

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The time has come the and the hour is now, that the Father seeks those that will worship Him in Spirit and in TRUTH. John 4:23

Truth… It is the Absolute, that which reveals and is in accord with the will of God as the governing principle of life. -Iyanlya Vanzant.

Truth 1- God is Life, God is Spirit, God is Mind, God is the only power that is in control of life, spirit, and mind.

This has always been a challenge for me, even now as a Woman of God, no longer a “babe in Christ”.  I have always been of the belief that we are put on this Earth to “do”, and then you die.  I was taught that God is this unattainable being, that only the worthy, titled men of God can communicate with.  Growing up Catholic, my spirit never believed that.  I never embraced praying to saints, though I did because that is what I was taught. My spirit knew that it had a direct connection with God the Son. It was not until later in life that I came to realize the true meaning the Trinity, God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit. And still, my life and my mind are struggling to line up with my spirit, fighting with the spirit in me to keep me bound (Romans 7).

Truth 2- There is a Godly order to everything in life.

I am exactly where God purposed I should be.  No matter how it looks. A hard pill to swallow.  Especially when things are not going right, or at least in accordance with what I believe is not right in my life.  God has me exactly where He wants me according to His will and purpose for me. Sometimes I believe that, sometimes…

Truth 3- Everybody is born to fulfill a divine purpose and God has given us everything we will ever need to fulfill that purpose.

That was something I was completely unaware of.  Which is why, when the words of “Prophecy” was spoken over my life concerning helping women, and being wealthy, and being in business, it was unthinkable as I scrutinized my life and who and where I was at that time.

CHALLENGE: Learning to live what I know is Truth every day, no matter what I think I see.

What I have come to realize is that I am aware the Truth but I am having a hard time applying the Truth to my life, because my life is not seemingly reflective of what God has predestined for me.  I am learning that there is a process that I must trust. And in trusting that process, I must not waver in what I know is the TRUTH.

I must remember that Everybody is born to fulfill a Divine Purpose, and God has given us everything we need to fulfill that purpose. God Believes in ME!!!!

Removing the Veil, one day at a time.

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One Day My Soul Just Opened Up- Removing the Veil

“It is the kind of insanity that keeps you in a struggle for control of your life and everyone in it.” (p.12 One Day My Soul Just Opened Up)…

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Removing the Veil

I thought I was ready. Perhaps motivated by someone else.  “The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak” -Matthew 26:41. The poem, written by Gemmia L. Vanvant, daughter of famed life coach Iyanla Vanzant spoke volumes to me.  So much so, I blogged it. Ironically, I had purchased the book in 1998. As I began to read it, I realized that I am in the same cycle, feeling the same way I did almost 20 years later.

When I saw the subject title of the introduction page, I was really excited for that is the slogan for this blog.  I knew God was talking and saying “it is time daughter to step into what I have called you to do, but it starts with you.”  The spirit is willing…As I read the pages, I noticed, that I had highlighted a paragraph that had to have touched my soul back then and is doing the same now.

Insanity

Someone once told me that I need the come out of this “whirlwind”.  I remember being offended…But I never forgot it. what she called a whirlwind, was what Iyanla called “Insanity”. She says in her book, “It is the kind of insanity that keeps you in a struggle for control of your life and everyone in it.” (p.12 One Day My Soul Just Opened Up). This “insanity had me doing things, pushing myself, wanting to do more, be better and get ahead.  She was right. That is what I was doing.  I wanted to be the best at everything.  As a career I am a paralegal. NYU graduate, NALA certified. Not enough.  I went for my advanced certification in Contracts Administration and Management. I am a Liturgical Dancer. So I went and got m Masters and PhD in Religious Fine Arts in Dance. Not enough. I hold a leadership position at my church, took on the responsibility of garment ministry, administration, and at times choreographer. Not enough. In my personal life, I was wife, husband ( I am married by the way), head of household, decision maker, mother, sister, friend, foe, volunteer, helper, PTA Executive Board Member. Not enough. Unfortunately, because I am insane, when I got ahead, when I was better, when I got more, it was still NOT ENOUGH. “The insanity that is being identified here is the kind that made me forget, who walks besides me and who lives inside of me and as a result shut down my soul.  I could not have articulated that any better. I shut down. All of the things I described above, didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered. I was in a state of existing, all the while trying to live. A part of me knew that there was something bigger than me waiting to be born. I felt it, kicking, moving… It is time to enter into my  soul. At last!

The Exodus Journey

I am ready to come out of this. To truly open up my soul so that I what it is is God needs to use me for, I am ready. As I journey to remove the veil, I will hold on to what the Spirit of the Lord has been compelling me to do, the “thing” that people see in me that I am struggling to see in myself.  Laughing at times at how God Himself is showing me “ME”, and I am still questioning the calling. My soul shut down, but it is about to open up.

I will “Remain Open. For there is truly something bigger than I know going on.”

 

On the journey to “Tear The Veil.” 40 days to a Brand new me.

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One Day My Soul Just Opened Up

One day, my soul just opened up
and I decided
I was good and ready
to surrender my life to God.

One day my soul just opened up
and things started happening
things I can’t quite explain
I mean
I cried and cried like never before
I cried tears of ten thousand mothers
I couldn’t even feel anything because
I cried ‘til I was numb.

One day my soul just opened up
I felt this overwhelming pride
what I was proud of only God knows!
Like the pride of a hundred thousand fathers
basking in the glory of their newborn sons
I was grinning from ear to ear!

One day my soul just opened up I started laughing
and I laughed for what seemed like forever
wasn’t nothing particularly funny going on but I laughed anyhow
I laughed the joy of a million children playing in the mud
I laughed until my sides ached
Oh God! It felt so good!

One day, my soul just opened up
There were revelations, annihilations, and resolutions
feelings of doubt and betrayal, vengeance and forgiveness
memories of things I’d seen and done before
of places I’d been, although I didn’t know when
there were lives I’d lived
people I’d loved
battles I’d fought
victories I’d won
and wars I’d lost.

One day, my soul just opened up
and out poured all things
I’d been hiding
and denying
and living through
that had just happened moments before.

One day, my soul just opened up
and I decided
I was good and ready!
I was good and ready
to surrender my life to God.

So, with my soul wide open,
I sat down
wrote Her a note
and told her so.

Gemmia L. Vanzant in Iyanla Vanzant, ONE DAY MY SOUL JUST OPENED UP

And that is exactly what happened to me.  I purchased this book sometime around 1998, maybe 2000, not quite sure.  That’s because, when i picked up the book, that I found in storage, and began to read it as if it were my first time reading it, only to discover my failed attempt at the book’s purpose.  As I flipped through the pages, I was shocked to discover that almost 18 years later, the same push that led me to find the book, is the same need I had back then.  I was shocked to read my issues with my husband, the same that is taking me for a spin now.  The same trust issues I had then are the same ones I have now.  Absolutely nothing changed.  I struggled with trust issues then, I struggle now.  However, this time will be different.  This time I will follow through.  This time, 18 years later I am going to push through the broken pieces of my life, I am going to complete my 40 day journey to “Spiritual Strength and Personal Growth”.  Will you take this Journey with me?

Removing the Veil, Revealing my Strength

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For More information about the this book or other books by Iyanla Vanzant Click here.