To Be Totally Free

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In this series in “Wilderness to Promise”, and this journey of self-healing, I never took into account my relationship with money.  Throughout this journey, I have talked about, mainly, my spiritual health.  I talked about my mental health and my physical health.  There was still something missing, I was still feeling unhappy as if something was missing to make me whole, you know the complete of the puzzle.

It is not until recently when I had an argument with my mother that I realized, that my finances were not in order.  I was hit with an income execution order and realized how financially unstable I am.  I have a business that I have invested so much in with little return; I am living as iff my meek paycheck (grateful) will sustain the lifestyle I ma accustomed to…Heck, I can’t even afford a one bedroom apartment with the money I am making.  I can’t save enough to move out of my mother’s home, and it indirectly affected my spiritual health.

The journey to complete healing must include money.  Money, the abundance or lack thereof will take a toll on anyone.  N.O.T.R.I.O.U.S. Big, said it best;” More Money More Problems…” and the lack thereof has the exact same effect.  Even as I write this, I am feeling a twinge of pain because I feel stuck, my independence has been stripped from me.  I am bound once again to a place, I never thought I would be.  I am hurt, angry, disappointed, defeated…and yet I still cling to the HOPE of GOD that He will see me through this Wilderness Experience.  I have prayed, cried, been still, pretended that everything is ok…

I asked God for a reset. And He answered. And I am taking the steps necessary to start over, do things right this time.  Learn to have a healthy relationship with money.  The same way I am pushing towards the mark of restoring my relationship with God.  It takes discipline, but I am so ready.

I want to be TOTALLY FREE. (Spiritually Free, Mentally Free, Debt Free)

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Walking Through the Doors of Success, Alone and Afraid.

I am not a timid person, more “reserved”.  For a long time, I was ok being by myself, accepting rejection as a part of my life, and excusing the pain by justifying “the I’m only child” skit.  As I got older and wanted to do some things, more things, I complained often that I did not have any supportive friends, and used the same skit of “I’m ok, being alone, because I am an only child”.  So when entrepreneurship became a reality, and the reality of the importance of networking set in, I faced a challenge that I had never faced before: getting through the Door of Success.  The Universe (My God) handed me the keys some time ago, but I was too busy expecting reciprocation from those I had supported in the past, leaving me hurt and frustrated.  It took my friend, a person I met with a common vision to say, “but you have a circle of supportive women, you are just not looking at them…” She was right. They were there all time. Soooo….

I am changing my circle.  I am changing the way I think, I move, I operate.  With the leading of God, My heavenly Father, I am pushing past FEAR, defying the “Generation X” and like Madam C.J. walking “On My Own Grounds”.  I am going to be so intentional about taking “Me” to the next level, to truly walk into my Destiny that has been calling me for years now.

The first this I did was attend a Black Bloggers United Power Hour event…alone.  I stepped out of my comfort zone, I traveled in the snow to another NYC borough, to Kings (Brooklyn) from Queens to meet some amazing women.

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Being Intentional, Be Fearless, Be Bold

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From Wilderness to Promise

“The minute I get out of my own way, I will see the road ahead.” -Dominique McCullough.

I have been on this journey since 2015.  Maybe longer and I just was unaware.  My journey started out of pain, hurt and disappointment in myself mainly.  Conscious and unconscious actions and decisions led me down a path of self-destruction.  I had convinced myself that I was destined for a life of struggle.  I would get what I wanted, but it would come harder than everyone else.  As a result, I built this wall to keep hurt and pain away. If anyone tried to enter, I fought like hell.

Yes, I have been on this journey in search of my purpose, my reason for being.  My Destiny…“In the Messiah, He chose us in love before the creation of the universe to be holy and without defect in His presence”Ephesians 1:4 Complete Jewish Bible.  However, what I see is a broken little girl, who grew up to be a broken woman, in search of healing…

I have heard the voice of the prophets, I have heard the small still voice of the Holy Spirit.  I also heard the voice of Fear, and Doubt; Procrastination and Distraction.  Sets of “twins” whose job is to convince me that all God has said about me in Ephesians 1 is not true.  But I have pushed through it, fighting for what God has for me.  Not always leaning on Him, often times leaning on my own understanding.  But God keeps me, covers me, because “In all His wisdom and insight, He has made known His secret plan, which by His own will He designed beforehand in connection with the Messiah and will put into effect when the time is ripe-His plan to place everything in heaven and on Earth under the Messiah’s Headship.” Ephesians 1:8-10 Complete Jewish Bible.  Therefore His plan must come to fruition.  His purpose for me.

tumblr_ogylphrK4S1ut1kpfo1_1280When the launch of Tear The Veil, Inc. did not happen.  I was disappointed and embarrassed. I was faced with yet another hurdle, and although I really tried to tell myself, that this is all in God’s Plan, my mind, was working overtime to show me my failure.  One morning I woke up and found this in my inbox: You have endured everything from inconvenience to hardship with every circumstance leading to the understanding of life, people and yourself.  The lessons learned have been invaluable and ultimately have had the potential of making you stronger than you have ever been as you trust Me in all things.  You are truly being transformed into My image, says the Lord.
2 Corinthians 3:18 So all of us, with faces unveiled, see as in a mirror the glory of the Lord; and we are being changed into His image, from one degree of glory to the next, by Adonai the Spirit. That confirmed it all for me. Tear The Veil Inc., is going to launch as one of the most phenomenal women’s empowerment organizations in this nation…In His timing.

There is a purpose in the wilderness, my wilderness.  In 2015, I traveled to Bali and climbed to the top of the Batur Volcano Mountain.  It took two and half hours. I now understand Deuteronomy 8:2. God speaks to us in the wilderness.  God also humbles and proves us in the wilderness.  The wilderness period can last days, or years, depending on how quickly we learn its lessons.

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In the meantime, I am changing and building a new circle of women, leaving some folks behind, stepping out on faith, doing it Afraid and Alone. WALKING INTO MY DESTINY!!!!

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I am in the Purpose Room

How many different ways does someone have to tell you what you what you already know?  How difficult is it to really stand in your purpose so that you can get to your destiny?

During this Lenten Season 2017, my fast will be non-traditional.  Growing up Catholic, we were taught that we must sacrifice our fleshy pleasures for 40 days.  I never understood why, because it is not Biblical and Jesus already atoned for our sins so that we do not have to do these rituals of atonement with whom exactly? God or Self?  In this season, I will fast as commanded by my Lod and Savior Jesus Christ.  “But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”-Matthew 6:17-18.  I will say this, though, I will be in THE PURPOSE ROOM

Passion + Purpose = Destiny

There is a wall.  It is mental. I am reminded of the scripture in Romans 7 “the spirit is willing bu the flesh is weak…” Weak to the invisible wounds that I won’t allow to heal. Allowing myself to be trapped in it because it acts as a shield again pain, hurt and disappointment.  Bishop T.D. Jakes said it best in his book ” Your Mind may guide you in what you do, but your heart affirms your passion for doing it, and that leads you to resolve the way of your life…As you stand back from yourself and see the push of instincts welded with the pull of purpose that leads you into destiny,  you will know the events and circumstances in your life equate to more than just coincidences or mere facts.  The coming together of all of these events and connections, some seemingly random, are the results of divine orchestration to empower to accomplish what God has placed in you.” Destiny: Stepping into your Purpose by Bishop T.D. Jakes.  Like I said, its mental.  I had to chuckle at this passage because, the day before writing this blog, I was sitting in the laundromat, minding my own business, and this woman, randomly (lol) struck up a conversation, about DVD’s that led to the sharing of her failed marriage and confessions of adultery.  I chuckle because of the weekend prior to that encounter, a woman whispered in my ear “Women need to hear our voice…”

I am reading the “Purpose Room” by Heather Lindsey.  I read the sample first. I should have known better. Her books are amazing. I no longer have any excuses as to why I cannot do what God has purposed me to do.  I know that God has a plan for my life.  I am hearing the call so much clearer now.

I have a story, deeply rooted in childhood experiences, distorted by my childhood views and adult point of view. Experiences that served as the pieces of fabric woven together to create the “veil” I am so desperately wanting to tear.

I am finally seeing past the confetti…Finally seeing who God has purposed and destined me to be me to be…16999091_10212289967268694_4978916473972594682_n.jpg

Stepping into my Destiny

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Dropped it in 2016

I knew that God wanted to do something new in my life and heal the wounds of my past. I was so sure, that when the theme came to my spirit, I was confident that I was hearing the voice of God. “From Girlhood to Womanhood…A Journey- Healing the Invisible Wounds.”

I knew that God wanted to do something new in my life and heal the wounds of my past.  I was so sure, that when the theme came to my spirit, I was confident that I was hearing the voice of God.  “From Girlhood to Womanhood…A Journey- Healing the Invisible Wounds.”  A voice within that needed to be heard, because I was all too familiar with the “invisible wounds”.  The date was set. November 11, 2016.  I was excited, determined, but also without direction and guidance from the One who called me… Adonai, El-Shaddai, My Lord, My Father.  I trusted people to help me carry this vision.  I was promised a venue.  I had speakers lined up. I had sponsors.  The harder I worked, the harder it got.  I was looking for support from friends and family, but when that did not seem to happen, I allowed disappointment, self-doubt, and failure to consume me. I was talking a good game of faith but didn’t have any.  I found myself alone, hurt and disappointed…Right, where God wanted me.

Yes, God did want to do something new in my life and heal the wounds of my past.  Yes, I know that part of my destiny is to help other women.  He was bringing back to my remembrance the Prophetic Word over my life concerning this, and in my mind, what better time to go forth than when I myself am going through…We can all heal together, right?

We often times like to assign blame to the enemy what it is God saying “No, not yet.”  I was convinced that the enemy was trying to silence me. Keep me from my Purpose and Destiny by throwing distractions my way.  The harder I fought, the weaker I got.  I am not a quitter so I held on until I had no choice but to “let go”.  To drop it, and admit defeat and failure.  Leaving me feeling embarrassed.

Willing to “Let Go” of the Old.

“Letting go” seemed to be a common theme for me toward the end of 2016.  I have been searching for the door to freedom.  Looking back at my blog posts here on  Unveiled By Dominique, I saw the detailing of my different journeys but like the Israelites searching for the Promise Land, going around in a circle.  I started on a 40 Day Journey and only got up to Day 15.  I didn’t know what I was holding on to.  I mean, I did…Something in my childhood.  A familiar feeling, a spirit that plagued me all of my life.  I just could not identify it.   There seemed to be an unwillingness to face my own demons and heal.  Holding on to the pain because it justified my current situation.  When that “demon” is all you know, “letting go” is not easy.

All Things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.

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Freedom Day 14 (One Day My Soul Opened Up)

FREEDOM IS COMING…

[S]he whom the Son has set FREE is FREE Indeed! Freedom. We all want it.  We all think we have it.  But even the Bible reminds us that we are “slaves” to sin.  I think the book of Romans 7 is one of my favorite books in the Bible.  It talks about the bondage of sin.  Freedom is a state of mind.  So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. 22 For d I delight in the law of God, e in my inner being, 23 but I see in my members f another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Romans 7:21.  Now Ponder on that for a minute.  

I have spent so much of my life living under the shadows of others, hiding myself from people, that I don’t know how to live for me.  I don’t know what I want or what I need to strive for, yet I am confident that I am operating in the giftings and the talents that God has given me to produce wealth; not just financial wealth, but spiritual wealth.  I sometimes feel like blind man in Mark 8:22 being led where people think I should go.  One of my favorite preachers taught on the topic the other day.  God has been sending Word to me from various prophets about being rich, wealthy, that I will be helping women… And still, while I am operating in the very thing that will generate just that, I am still blinded by the confetti that is before me: failed marriage, my children, lack of money, laws, rules, responsibilities to others, tax debt…

What does FREEDOM mean

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By definition, Freedom is the spiritually induced quality or state of being without restraint, bondage, limitation or repression. A sense of inner and outer well-being. (One day My Soul Just Opened Up)

Freedom to me is a right I took for granted.  A true definition for me was the idea of not being a slave. You know like in bondage, with a master. Like the Africans that took the Trans-Atlantic voyage. But I was…A slave to an invisible master…Money, Career, Relationships, Friends, SELF!!!!

I am on the Freedom train towards my destiny.I am riding it this time to the end.

“God’s perfect and divine plan for my life will set me free.” -Iyanla Vanzant

Watch me as I Tear The Veil to my Destiny

DM

 

Honor yourself! Phase II (One Day My Soul Just Opened Up)

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Whoa! Honor myself? What does that even mean and where do I begin? I had to reference Iyanla Vanzant’s book to put in writing what is locked up inside.  Honoring myself has been a challenge.  To honor yourself mean that you have to SEE yourself the way God sees you.  I don’t care how much Bible you know, or how many people see the “gift” inside of you. If you cant see it for yourself. then I believe you can be completely healed.

The biggest regret in my life was the day I rejected my Grand-Mother’s need for forgiveness from me.  She wanted me to forgive her for the things she had said to me growing up; I just couldn’t, I wouldn’t.  She was my Grand-Mere, the big person.  How dare I allow her to ask for forgiveness.  “It’s OK Grand-Mere, don’t worry about it” I said.  All the while, I am reliving the pain of her asking me “why did you have to be so stupid and take after your father? (My father is a darker skin tone than the rest of my family).  I never told her I forgave her, and I never got the chance.

Affirmation: I am Black, I am Beautiful.  I am worthy of all things that God has given me.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made…wonderful are the works of His hands and my Soul boasts thereof.

I took me a long time to get to that point.  To see my self as pretty.  Even when other people would say that I am beautiful,  I would not embrace it.  Did you know that the subconscious mind retains everything you hear? A seed is planted that takes root over time.  What it produces, is reflective of what we hear, both good and bad.

If something in your life isn’t honoring you, then it simple doesn’t deserve a seat at your table. It is healthy to let go. –Sherrie Campbell

There is no better time than RIGHT NOW to start honoring yourself. Start with how you talk to yourself. Say good, nice, encouraging things to yourself. Support yourself with healthy relationships, get counseling, join a support group–do whatever it takes to get yourself to the place where you honor everything about yourself. I deserve it!!!  And so do you!

Stay with me on this journey to the Resurrected me.

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