Walking Through the Doors of Success, Alone and Afraid.

I am not a timid person, more “reserved”.  For a long time, I was ok being by myself, accepting rejection as a part of my life, and excusing the pain by justifying “the I’m only child” skit.  As I got older and wanted to do some things, more things, I complained often that I did not have any supportive friends, and used the same skit of “I’m ok, being alone, because I am an only child”.  So when entrepreneurship became a reality, and the reality of the importance of networking set in, I faced a challenge that I had never faced before: getting through the Door of Success.  The Universe (My God) handed me the keys some time ago, but I was too busy expecting reciprocation from those I had supported in the past, leaving me hurt and frustrated.  It took my friend, a person I met with a common vision to say, “but you have a circle of supportive women, you are just not looking at them…” She was right. They were there all time. Soooo….

I am changing my circle.  I am changing the way I think, I move, I operate.  With the leading of God, My heavenly Father, I am pushing past FEAR, defying the “Generation X” and like Madam C.J. walking “On My Own Grounds”.  I am going to be so intentional about taking “Me” to the next level, to truly walk into my Destiny that has been calling me for years now.

The first this I did was attend a Black Bloggers United Power Hour event…alone.  I stepped out of my comfort zone, I traveled in the snow to another NYC borough, to Kings (Brooklyn) from Queens to meet some amazing women.

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Being Intentional, Be Fearless, Be Bold

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From Wilderness to Promise

“The minute I get out of my own way, I will see the road ahead.” -Dominique McCullough.

I have been on this journey since 2015.  Maybe longer and I just was unaware.  My journey started out of pain, hurt and disappointment in myself mainly.  Conscious and unconscious actions and decisions led me down a path of self-destruction.  I had convinced myself that I was destined for a life of struggle.  I would get what I wanted, but it would come harder than everyone else.  As a result, I built this wall to keep hurt and pain away. If anyone tried to enter, I fought like hell.

Yes, I have been on this journey in search of my purpose, my reason for being.  My Destiny…“In the Messiah, He chose us in love before the creation of the universe to be holy and without defect in His presence”Ephesians 1:4 Complete Jewish Bible.  However, what I see is a broken little girl, who grew up to be a broken woman, in search of healing…

I have heard the voice of the prophets, I have heard the small still voice of the Holy Spirit.  I also heard the voice of Fear, and Doubt; Procrastination and Distraction.  Sets of “twins” whose job is to convince me that all God has said about me in Ephesians 1 is not true.  But I have pushed through it, fighting for what God has for me.  Not always leaning on Him, often times leaning on my own understanding.  But God keeps me, covers me, because “In all His wisdom and insight, He has made known His secret plan, which by His own will He designed beforehand in connection with the Messiah and will put into effect when the time is ripe-His plan to place everything in heaven and on Earth under the Messiah’s Headship.” Ephesians 1:8-10 Complete Jewish Bible.  Therefore His plan must come to fruition.  His purpose for me.

tumblr_ogylphrK4S1ut1kpfo1_1280When the launch of Tear The Veil, Inc. did not happen.  I was disappointed and embarrassed. I was faced with yet another hurdle, and although I really tried to tell myself, that this is all in God’s Plan, my mind, was working overtime to show me my failure.  One morning I woke up and found this in my inbox: You have endured everything from inconvenience to hardship with every circumstance leading to the understanding of life, people and yourself.  The lessons learned have been invaluable and ultimately have had the potential of making you stronger than you have ever been as you trust Me in all things.  You are truly being transformed into My image, says the Lord.
2 Corinthians 3:18 So all of us, with faces unveiled, see as in a mirror the glory of the Lord; and we are being changed into His image, from one degree of glory to the next, by Adonai the Spirit. That confirmed it all for me. Tear The Veil Inc., is going to launch as one of the most phenomenal women’s empowerment organizations in this nation…In His timing.

There is a purpose in the wilderness, my wilderness.  In 2015, I traveled to Bali and climbed to the top of the Batur Volcano Mountain.  It took two and half hours. I now understand Deuteronomy 8:2. God speaks to us in the wilderness.  God also humbles and proves us in the wilderness.  The wilderness period can last days, or years, depending on how quickly we learn its lessons.

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In the meantime, I am changing and building a new circle of women, leaving some folks behind, stepping out on faith, doing it Afraid and Alone. WALKING INTO MY DESTINY!!!!

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“Love Yourself” Susan L. Taylor

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I began my subscription to Essence Magazine whenI was 15.  This was at a time when there was no real way of checking if you were old enough to take on that responsibility.  I so looked forward to receiving my monthly copy, just so I can read what the Editor in Chief had to say.  I remember looking at her photo and seeing a Black Goddess.  Her long cornrows, going straight down her back.  The “Essence” of Black Beauty.  Susan L. Taylor, a journalism beast! Susan L. Taylor (born January 23, 1946) is an American editor, writer, and journalist. She served as editor-in-chief of Essence from 1981 through 2000. In 1994, American Libraries referred to Taylor as “the most influential black woman in journalism today”.

Susan Leaves Essence Magazine

“I will be leaving Essence to do what at this juncture in my life has become a larger work for me—building the National Cares Mentoring Movement, which I founded as Essence Cares and today is my deepest passion.”
–Susan L. Taylor, December 28, 2007)

When Ms. Taylor left Essence Magazine, I was devastated.  I sat in disbelief as I read her letter.  Who was going to be my source of inspiration?  see Susan had become my “Judy Blume” at a time when I was not only coming into my womanhood but also my awareness of who I was becoming as a Black Woman.  I grew up in the era of “Black Power” as a child of the ’70’s.  The images of “Black Is Beautiful” was overshadowed by my generation’s need to be all that we can be as an African-American Community, breaking free (or so we thought) from segregation and enjoying the freedoms established by the Civil rights Movement.  Susan, in my eyes, represented the images of the ’70’s, the breaking of barriers, my mirror.   The magazine was never the same.  I let my subscription lapse.  In New York Times article, dated December 28, 2007, it lists all of her accomplishments, especially the reason why she left the magazine- to pursue her desire and passion for helping disadvantaged children.  She is an avid supporter of a host of organizations dedicated to moving the Black community forward. Her passion and focus are on creating equity in education and turning around the nation’s failing schools, which, she says are “the pipeline to prison.” Susan founded the CARES Mentoring Organization to address these issues, that plagues the Black Community.

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So this Women’s Month and International Women’s Day I celebrate Susan L. Taylor! #BeBoldForChange

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I am in the Purpose Room

How many different ways does someone have to tell you what you what you already know?  How difficult is it to really stand in your purpose so that you can get to your destiny?

During this Lenten Season 2017, my fast will be non-traditional.  Growing up Catholic, we were taught that we must sacrifice our fleshy pleasures for 40 days.  I never understood why, because it is not Biblical and Jesus already atoned for our sins so that we do not have to do these rituals of atonement with whom exactly? God or Self?  In this season, I will fast as commanded by my Lod and Savior Jesus Christ.  “But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”-Matthew 6:17-18.  I will say this, though, I will be in THE PURPOSE ROOM

Passion + Purpose = Destiny

There is a wall.  It is mental. I am reminded of the scripture in Romans 7 “the spirit is willing bu the flesh is weak…” Weak to the invisible wounds that I won’t allow to heal. Allowing myself to be trapped in it because it acts as a shield again pain, hurt and disappointment.  Bishop T.D. Jakes said it best in his book ” Your Mind may guide you in what you do, but your heart affirms your passion for doing it, and that leads you to resolve the way of your life…As you stand back from yourself and see the push of instincts welded with the pull of purpose that leads you into destiny,  you will know the events and circumstances in your life equate to more than just coincidences or mere facts.  The coming together of all of these events and connections, some seemingly random, are the results of divine orchestration to empower to accomplish what God has placed in you.” Destiny: Stepping into your Purpose by Bishop T.D. Jakes.  Like I said, its mental.  I had to chuckle at this passage because, the day before writing this blog, I was sitting in the laundromat, minding my own business, and this woman, randomly (lol) struck up a conversation, about DVD’s that led to the sharing of her failed marriage and confessions of adultery.  I chuckle because of the weekend prior to that encounter, a woman whispered in my ear “Women need to hear our voice…”

I am reading the “Purpose Room” by Heather Lindsey.  I read the sample first. I should have known better. Her books are amazing. I no longer have any excuses as to why I cannot do what God has purposed me to do.  I know that God has a plan for my life.  I am hearing the call so much clearer now.

I have a story, deeply rooted in childhood experiences, distorted by my childhood views and adult point of view. Experiences that served as the pieces of fabric woven together to create the “veil” I am so desperately wanting to tear.

I am finally seeing past the confetti…Finally seeing who God has purposed and destined me to be me to be…16999091_10212289967268694_4978916473972594682_n.jpg

Stepping into my Destiny

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BeyGoals- Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

“Historically, black women’s bodies have been utterly disrespected. We nurtured and fed other race’s children from our breasts. We were raped and bore children for slave masters. And yet, were made ashamed of our bodies, our curves, our blackness…-Adeea Rogers, The TrendySocialite-

 

In this blog post, I want to honor one of the strongest Black Female Artist of this generation.  Say what you want about Beyonce, but even fellow female artist Adele, had to give respect where respect is due.  During her Grammy Award acceptance speech, she stated: “…the way that you make me and my friends feel, the way you make my black friends feel, is empowering.”  She (Adele) was talking about the Album “Lemonade”.  I have to admit that, indeed that album was by far the best call to the world that Black Women are a force NOT to be reckoned with.  With “Formation” she served notice to ALL that she loves her family exactly as they are… And herself, too. Radical. Self. LOVE.

With that said, Bey came under fire (again) about her Madonna-like image and the display of her very much pregnant body.  So clearly they did not get the message in Lemonade.

Psalm 139:14 says: “I thank you because I am awesomely made, wonderfully; your works are wonders -I know this very well. (Complete Jewish Bible Version); the King James Version says “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well..  Either way, Our Creator designed us as Black women so well, that other ethnic groups and race, go through changes to achieve what God gave us naturally.

“Historically, black women’s bodies have been utterly disrespected. We nurtured and fed other race’s children from our breasts. We were raped and bore children for slave masters. And yet, were made ashamed of our bodies, our curves, our blackness.
We were treated as concubines and receptacles for a man’s seed–and frankly, sometimes we still are. Other races are consistently celebrated and heralded for motherhood. Black women are not–definitely not consistently.  
Beyoncé’s performance was a declarative statement. Black women carry and give life beautifully. And that is NOTHING to be ashamed of.
I am a Christian. I am fearfully and wonderfully made–in God’s image. And that includes my blackness. And that includes my femininity. Psalm 139:14 can’t just apply to whom and when you want. I celebrate all the parts of who I am–not just the parts that feed others’ needs or makes them comfortable. *walks away*” –Adeea Rogers of TrendySocialite-

And I concur!

 

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Freedom Day 14 (One Day My Soul Opened Up)

FREEDOM IS COMING…

[S]he whom the Son has set FREE is FREE Indeed! Freedom. We all want it.  We all think we have it.  But even the Bible reminds us that we are “slaves” to sin.  I think the book of Romans 7 is one of my favorite books in the Bible.  It talks about the bondage of sin.  Freedom is a state of mind.  So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. 22 For d I delight in the law of God, e in my inner being, 23 but I see in my members f another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Romans 7:21.  Now Ponder on that for a minute.  

I have spent so much of my life living under the shadows of others, hiding myself from people, that I don’t know how to live for me.  I don’t know what I want or what I need to strive for, yet I am confident that I am operating in the giftings and the talents that God has given me to produce wealth; not just financial wealth, but spiritual wealth.  I sometimes feel like blind man in Mark 8:22 being led where people think I should go.  One of my favorite preachers taught on the topic the other day.  God has been sending Word to me from various prophets about being rich, wealthy, that I will be helping women… And still, while I am operating in the very thing that will generate just that, I am still blinded by the confetti that is before me: failed marriage, my children, lack of money, laws, rules, responsibilities to others, tax debt…

What does FREEDOM mean

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By definition, Freedom is the spiritually induced quality or state of being without restraint, bondage, limitation or repression. A sense of inner and outer well-being. (One day My Soul Just Opened Up)

Freedom to me is a right I took for granted.  A true definition for me was the idea of not being a slave. You know like in bondage, with a master. Like the Africans that took the Trans-Atlantic voyage. But I was…A slave to an invisible master…Money, Career, Relationships, Friends, SELF!!!!

I am on the Freedom train towards my destiny.I am riding it this time to the end.

“God’s perfect and divine plan for my life will set me free.” -Iyanla Vanzant

Watch me as I Tear The Veil to my Destiny

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Honor Yourself Part II Day-9-13 (One Day My Soul Just Opened Up)

Yes, I am playing catch up.  I have been reflecting and still searching for that thing that will break me free from the bondage of lack of self worth.  So I got to Day 4 of the Journey and allowed myself to be busy with things, people and situations that was not honoring me.  There was a pause on the prayer that I was so excited and eager about.  I lost focus.

Today as I was walking home from work, I asked myself a very important question: What did I ever truly dream of doing or being…I drew a blank.

Awareness

“You cannot fix what you cannot face”-James Baldwin.  Deep!! As I am reading the book One Day My Soul Just Opened up by Iyanla Vanzant, I am beginning to realize that I have not been the only person in this world who felt the way I felt or did the things I did.  This book is as if Iyanla herself had peeked into my past and wrote a whole book about it.  People would tell me I looked angry all the time and I was unapproachable.  Defensive…Stand-Offish…Living in a whirlwind…Little did I know, as the the book states that Life was trying to tell me something about myself.   I was intimidating…Funny because when people said that about me, I would chuckle and tell them, “Girl, I am the least of the problems…” What I was unaware of is that I was not being representative of the the God I serve, but being a complete idiot.  There are so many things, and relationships I can’t take back.  People I offended because I was in a state of self hurt.  I was in on auto defensive mode. Jobs lost because I was perceived as “threat.”  Iyanla said it best: “They were saying that I was defensive and combative.  Whenever these things were said to me, I would become offended and would go into a long tirade about people not knowing me, what I thought or how I felt.” Real talk.  I could not have articulated it any better.  I am working on changing me, finding the “me” behind the veil.

Acceptance

My whole marriage was a farce from the beginning.  A rebound relationship at best, but if found myself pregnant with my second child, his first.  Abortion was not an option because I had promised God that if He ever gave me the chance again to carry life, I would not throw it away except in the case of a sexual assault.  Now see, that is power.  When did I loose the strength to come boldly before God and “bargain”.  He accepted the covenant because He knew I was serious and blessed me with three beautiful children.  I gladly accepted the life of being a mother.  However, being a wife was a whole different story.  Our story was built on dishonesty from the very beginning.  I did not want to accept the fact that I was going to be a single mother like all of the women in my life; I wanted to be married. I knew going in who this man was, a good father, a horrible mate.  He cheated, time and time again.   But because of my failure to accept the reality of the situation in that moment, I denied myself he power to make the conscious decision to leave him, regardless of the fact that I would have been a single mother of three.  For that reason I was really living be default.  I prayed to my God that He dissolve the marriage.  I wanted out.  I have two adult children and a teenager who is soon off to college. In my mind, the co-parenting is over.  I am accepting the fact, that all things work together for the good of those that love God and are called according to His purpose.  Everything is by design. I accept that what is coming to me is coming at the right time in the right way.

Affirmation:

The truth of who I am cannot be altered or changed

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Choice

The willingness to make a conscious choices is another way of demonstrating that you are ready to find new ways of living and being before your are forced into it.-Iyanla Vanzant One Day My Soul Just Opened Up

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Conservation

It is a state of mindful relaxation.  My prayer for me and an affirmation for some is: ” Teach me to CONSERVE my self, my gifts, my resources, so that I may always do your perfect work.  Guide me in the way I should go.  Lead me in the perfect path according to Your perfect will for my life.  Give me the wisdom, the ability to discern, and the vision to know your will and perform it with grace and ease.  For this I am so grateful!”  Amen! Iyanla Vanzant.

Stay with me, I promise Destiny is on the other side of this!

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