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Reclaiming My Time- Pressing the Reset Button #88 8/17 New Beginings

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Two years ago this month, August 2015, I wrote my first blog in an effort to heal myself from some things that were keeping me from my destiny and purpose.  The title was 8-1…The First Day of My New Beginnings.  I was so proud of myself.  Looking back at the post, I realized that I was still not completely honest, nor prepared for my healing process.  Maxine Waters did something that day in Congress that changed what I and fellow African-American women will no longer tolerate:  being silenced, talked over and man-splained.  It is a call for women and people of color to reclaim their time and power.

For me, it was a call to action to get back up, reclaim time lost and press the reset button on Tear The Veil, Inc.  I allowed “life” to shift my focus off my purpose and destiny to the cares of the world, and my season that God has already given me victory over.  I slowly and comfortably placed the “veil” back on, wallowed in my perception of how my life was going and dropped the ball on the path to my Destiny.  I revisited that post and decided to revise it the place in my life that I am now.

The number eight in the Bible signifies Resurrection and Regeneration. It is the number of a new beginning. Eight is 7 plus 1 and since it comes just after seven, which itself signifies an end to something, so eight is also associated with the beginning of a new era or that of a new order.

In 2016, I fell back into a spiritual coma,  having a breathing machine called “survival” where I rested in its safety to keep me alive and breathing.  I was not “brain dead” though.  I went to work, my brain had to be fully functional because I am a paralegal, excuse me..an Advanced Certified Paralegal in Contracts Management and Administration. Big Stuff! I am a wife, a mother of three wonderful children, two of them adults. I am an entrepreneur of two or three businesses.  I was alive, on a breathing machine but I was in a comatose state, trying to figure out, where my life was going…AGAIN!

“It’s in you” I would hear folks whisper. “Girl you got this, it’s in you, that’s what you do…” “OMG, Girl you are sitting on a gold mine with these products…”  But when I looked in the mirror, I still couldn’t see what they saw. The gifts, the potential, the talent; the opportunity to make money making products that “just came to me.”   Yet I was fighting to live. Life had taken its toll on me. Circumstances, valley moments, pain, hurt, disappointments, joy, laughter, happiness, all rolled into one.

There is a battle for my life, a war for my soul.   I fight daily to stay in the game of life. Satan has asked God permission to wreak havoc in my life on several occasions.  I am fighting, at times surrendering, but as August marks the 8th month of the year 2017, I am reclaiming my time lost, and pressing the reset button.  I am coming out of my coma and into my destiny that is waiting for me.

My day has come, my seasons are here! All that was within me is starting to become ALIVE. It took 3 months of “rehabilitation” my destiny gene is unlocking, my circle of friends is changing, my way of thinking is changing. I am awake, journeying into my DESTINY.

I look in the mirror and ask myself  “What is holding me back from living my BEST LIFE?”  The answer was simple…”ME”

Whenever anybody tries to distract me or block me (even with praise or platitudes) I’m gonna have to let them know that I’m #ReclaimingMyTime!!!!!!!”

There will be GLORY after this!!!

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Freedom Day 14 (One Day My Soul Opened Up)

FREEDOM IS COMING…

[S]he whom the Son has set FREE is FREE Indeed! Freedom. We all want it.  We all think we have it.  But even the Bible reminds us that we are “slaves” to sin.  I think the book of Romans 7 is one of my favorite books in the Bible.  It talks about the bondage of sin.  Freedom is a state of mind.  So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. 22 For d I delight in the law of God, e in my inner being, 23 but I see in my members f another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Romans 7:21.  Now Ponder on that for a minute.  

I have spent so much of my life living under the shadows of others, hiding myself from people, that I don’t know how to live for me.  I don’t know what I want or what I need to strive for, yet I am confident that I am operating in the giftings and the talents that God has given me to produce wealth; not just financial wealth, but spiritual wealth.  I sometimes feel like blind man in Mark 8:22 being led where people think I should go.  One of my favorite preachers taught on the topic the other day.  God has been sending Word to me from various prophets about being rich, wealthy, that I will be helping women… And still, while I am operating in the very thing that will generate just that, I am still blinded by the confetti that is before me: failed marriage, my children, lack of money, laws, rules, responsibilities to others, tax debt…

What does FREEDOM mean

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By definition, Freedom is the spiritually induced quality or state of being without restraint, bondage, limitation or repression. A sense of inner and outer well-being. (One day My Soul Just Opened Up)

Freedom to me is a right I took for granted.  A true definition for me was the idea of not being a slave. You know like in bondage, with a master. Like the Africans that took the Trans-Atlantic voyage. But I was…A slave to an invisible master…Money, Career, Relationships, Friends, SELF!!!!

I am on the Freedom train towards my destiny.I am riding it this time to the end.

“God’s perfect and divine plan for my life will set me free.” -Iyanla Vanzant

Watch me as I Tear The Veil to my Destiny

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Honor Yourself Part II Day-9-13 (One Day My Soul Just Opened Up)

Yes, I am playing catch up.  I have been reflecting and still searching for that thing that will break me free from the bondage of lack of self worth.  So I got to Day 4 of the Journey and allowed myself to be busy with things, people and situations that was not honoring me.  There was a pause on the prayer that I was so excited and eager about.  I lost focus.

Today as I was walking home from work, I asked myself a very important question: What did I ever truly dream of doing or being…I drew a blank.

Awareness

“You cannot fix what you cannot face”-James Baldwin.  Deep!! As I am reading the book One Day My Soul Just Opened up by Iyanla Vanzant, I am beginning to realize that I have not been the only person in this world who felt the way I felt or did the things I did.  This book is as if Iyanla herself had peeked into my past and wrote a whole book about it.  People would tell me I looked angry all the time and I was unapproachable.  Defensive…Stand-Offish…Living in a whirlwind…Little did I know, as the the book states that Life was trying to tell me something about myself.   I was intimidating…Funny because when people said that about me, I would chuckle and tell them, “Girl, I am the least of the problems…” What I was unaware of is that I was not being representative of the the God I serve, but being a complete idiot.  There are so many things, and relationships I can’t take back.  People I offended because I was in a state of self hurt.  I was in on auto defensive mode. Jobs lost because I was perceived as “threat.”  Iyanla said it best: “They were saying that I was defensive and combative.  Whenever these things were said to me, I would become offended and would go into a long tirade about people not knowing me, what I thought or how I felt.” Real talk.  I could not have articulated it any better.  I am working on changing me, finding the “me” behind the veil.

Acceptance

My whole marriage was a farce from the beginning.  A rebound relationship at best, but if found myself pregnant with my second child, his first.  Abortion was not an option because I had promised God that if He ever gave me the chance again to carry life, I would not throw it away except in the case of a sexual assault.  Now see, that is power.  When did I loose the strength to come boldly before God and “bargain”.  He accepted the covenant because He knew I was serious and blessed me with three beautiful children.  I gladly accepted the life of being a mother.  However, being a wife was a whole different story.  Our story was built on dishonesty from the very beginning.  I did not want to accept the fact that I was going to be a single mother like all of the women in my life; I wanted to be married. I knew going in who this man was, a good father, a horrible mate.  He cheated, time and time again.   But because of my failure to accept the reality of the situation in that moment, I denied myself he power to make the conscious decision to leave him, regardless of the fact that I would have been a single mother of three.  For that reason I was really living be default.  I prayed to my God that He dissolve the marriage.  I wanted out.  I have two adult children and a teenager who is soon off to college. In my mind, the co-parenting is over.  I am accepting the fact, that all things work together for the good of those that love God and are called according to His purpose.  Everything is by design. I accept that what is coming to me is coming at the right time in the right way.

Affirmation:

The truth of who I am cannot be altered or changed

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Choice

The willingness to make a conscious choices is another way of demonstrating that you are ready to find new ways of living and being before your are forced into it.-Iyanla Vanzant One Day My Soul Just Opened Up

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Conservation

It is a state of mindful relaxation.  My prayer for me and an affirmation for some is: ” Teach me to CONSERVE my self, my gifts, my resources, so that I may always do your perfect work.  Guide me in the way I should go.  Lead me in the perfect path according to Your perfect will for my life.  Give me the wisdom, the ability to discern, and the vision to know your will and perform it with grace and ease.  For this I am so grateful!”  Amen! Iyanla Vanzant.

Stay with me, I promise Destiny is on the other side of this!

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Honor yourself! Phase II (One Day My Soul Just Opened Up)

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Whoa! Honor myself? What does that even mean and where do I begin? I had to reference Iyanla Vanzant’s book to put in writing what is locked up inside.  Honoring myself has been a challenge.  To honor yourself mean that you have to SEE yourself the way God sees you.  I don’t care how much Bible you know, or how many people see the “gift” inside of you. If you cant see it for yourself. then I believe you can be completely healed.

The biggest regret in my life was the day I rejected my Grand-Mother’s need for forgiveness from me.  She wanted me to forgive her for the things she had said to me growing up; I just couldn’t, I wouldn’t.  She was my Grand-Mere, the big person.  How dare I allow her to ask for forgiveness.  “It’s OK Grand-Mere, don’t worry about it” I said.  All the while, I am reliving the pain of her asking me “why did you have to be so stupid and take after your father? (My father is a darker skin tone than the rest of my family).  I never told her I forgave her, and I never got the chance.

Affirmation: I am Black, I am Beautiful.  I am worthy of all things that God has given me.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made…wonderful are the works of His hands and my Soul boasts thereof.

I took me a long time to get to that point.  To see my self as pretty.  Even when other people would say that I am beautiful,  I would not embrace it.  Did you know that the subconscious mind retains everything you hear? A seed is planted that takes root over time.  What it produces, is reflective of what we hear, both good and bad.

If something in your life isn’t honoring you, then it simple doesn’t deserve a seat at your table. It is healthy to let go. –Sherrie Campbell

There is no better time than RIGHT NOW to start honoring yourself. Start with how you talk to yourself. Say good, nice, encouraging things to yourself. Support yourself with healthy relationships, get counseling, join a support group–do whatever it takes to get yourself to the place where you honor everything about yourself. I deserve it!!!  And so do you!

Stay with me on this journey to the Resurrected me.

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Keeping it Simple. Day 8 (One Day My Soul Just Opened Up)

I think Confucius said it best:

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As a child life is simple.  We live free spirited with out a care in the world.  As get older, we start to experience life, I guess.  I believe that deep down inside, we all long to go back to that place when life was SIMPLE.  At what point in our life experience did we begin to complicate the simple things?

I am trying to go back deep in my psyche when things were simple.  I would get up on a Saturday morning, before my mom woke up, get my bowl of cereal, sit in my high chair (yes I sat in my high chair until I was 5) and watched my morning educational cartoons such as School House Rock.  Simple…

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So true. I could just simply write, but there are all these thoughts; which hinders my focus.   when I first read this book and began this journey in 1198, I wrote that I personally do not over complicate things, and truth told I really don’t.  I don’t stress as much over things as others do. Yet, I have an expectation of how things should be done, which when it does not happen, I start to overthink, over process, complicate.  I get frustrated, annoyed and even angry…Over what? Oh Yeah, its real simple, either it is going to get done or its not.  easier said then done.

I am working on it though. Being simple in everything.  God simply created me: Genesis 1:27 says “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Simple.  God simply loves me. Jesus simply died for me.

Affirmation:Today I understand the SIMPLE truth that my life does not need to be complicated.  Today I accept the SIMPLE truth that SIMPLE faith, grounded in SIMPLE trust, grounded by SIMPLE prayer, will yield SIMPLY fantastic results! And for that knowledge of SIMPLE truth I am so grateful.- One Day My Soul Just Opened Up Day 9- Simplicity)

Stay on this Journey with me.  I promise you it will be worth it!

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Peacefulness- Day 7 (One Day My Soul Opened Up)

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What do we do when we are stuck in a troubling situation with nowhere to run? Maybe, like the disciples who were stuck in a life-threatening storm, we run to Jesus (Mark 4:35-41). Sometimes, however, we may try to bail ourselves out of trouble by seeking revenge, slandering the one who has caused our problem, or just cowering fearfully in the corner as we sink into despair.

We need to learn from the disciples who fled to Jesus as their only hope. He may not bail us out immediately, but remembering that He is in our boat makes a difference! Thankfully, He is always with us in the storms of life, saying things like “Peace, be still!” (v.39). So, look for Him in your storm and let Him fill you with the peace that comes from knowing He is near.

Lord, teach us to run to You in the midst of trouble.
Forgive us for trying to bail ourselves out, and lead
us to the peace of trusting Your wisdom and ultimate
deliverance. Thank You that You will help us!
Make Jesus your first option when the storms of life threaten you.

 

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Willing to be Creative… Day 5 & 6 (One Day My Soul Just Opened Up)

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Sometimes when on a journey, we become weary because when we look ahead, the end of said journey appears to be unattainable.  I got to day 5 of “One Day my Soul Opened Up” and got stuck.  On what exactly, I am not sure.  But I am continuing this journey because I know what lies ahead and the voice that needs to be heard.

Willingness

“Thy WILL be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven…”  “Whatsoever you loose on Earth,  will be loosed In Heaven, Whatsoever you bound on Earth will be bound in Heaven…” WILLINGNESS… The controlling and directive faculty of the mind that determines consciousness and character. (One Day My Soul Opened Up, Day 5 p. 51).  in 2008 when God asked me to be transparent before His people, I flat out told God NO! My reason was that I was not willing to be vulnerable, to allow people behind my veil, to show a sign of weakness before people who thought I had it all together.  God began to reveal to me my life in a way I had not seen it before.  It was not until August of 2015, that I began to get a glimpse of what was holding me back from my purpose.  I often think of Jesus, when He was in the Garden of Gethsemane and in a moment, He asked God the Father “Take this cup from me…Not my will but your will…”  To be willing to do something takes courage.  Jesus Christ was willing to endure all of that pain so that we may have life everlasting.  At the time I was not courageous enough to tell people that I was broken person inside living under the shadows of my childhood.  In one of my previous blogs “Broken Crayons Still Color”  I was reminded that out of my brokenness, God had multiplied something… now I have something to be able to share with others, a truth, a testimony about what is now an empowerment movement, a Women’s Empowerment Movement called Tear the Veil Inc.

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“That word is ‘willing.’ It’s an attitude and spirit of cooperation that should permeate our conversations. It’s like a palm tree by the ocean that endures the greatest winds because it knows how to gracefully bend.” -Stephen Kendrick

 

Creativity

The invisible force behind all things seen.  Ponder on that for a moment. In the beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth… And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the water-Genesis 1:1-2.  The Invisible Force behind all things seen.  That is Creativity defined.  Creativity comes from the inside and then comes out.  It starts with a thought; going back to the Book of Genesis, when God created the Earth, He realized that the Earth He had just created was without form and void..And He moved upon the face of the waters and said ‘Let there be light…And guess what? There was light.  If we are all created in the image of God, ad we have the likeness of God, then we are just as creative as God.  But we fail to tape into that creativity at times because our thoughts are a reflection of our experiences.  What does that mean? I was unwilling to be creative because I was in a broken space. I was not allowing my thoughts and word produce results, because I refused to act on it.  Iyanly Vanzant says the creation process is: Thoughts + Word + Action= Results.  Without those three, there is no result.  Period.

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What are you WILLING to CREATE Today?

 

In the Stillness… Meditation- Day 4 (One Day My Soul Just Opened Up)

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As a Christian woman, the word “meditate” is completely different then the traditional belief of what meditation is.  Does that make sense? So I am on day 4 and the working definition of meditation is “Stillness”. It is defined as the “stilling of the physical/conscious mind to all external stimuli…A steady effort of the mind to know and hear the voice of God from within the being… The act of not doing…”  

Hear the voice of God from within the being… The act of not doing…”  

In her book, Iyanla Vanzant repeatedly used the phrase “Be Still and Know.”  This takes me to the story when Jesus and the disciples were on the boat, and the storm was ragging and Jesus was resting in the midst of it.  The disciples were frantic, waking Jesus up and asking him what He was going to do. In frustration,  Jesus simply said: “Peace Be Still!!!”He then goes on the ask them, why they were scared, and where was their faith?

When quiet you mind to all the things around you and quiet your own fears, the power will become activated.  Jesus was on the boat, the Power was with them and they did not realize it because they did not allow themselves to be still as Jesus was.

How often do we ask God for everything, but we don’t stop to listen or to be still?   The act of being still and getting quiet becomes more of a challenge in our hectic world. The world asks us to be busy. God asks us to be still so that we can receive love, peace and guidance.

Along with busyness comes the fearful and anxious thoughts we hold onto. It’s been stated that we have upwards of 50,000 thoughts a day. We must learn to tell our fearful and anxious thoughts to shut up, just as Jesus calmed the sea.

Quieting the mind, shutting up the mind requires practice. One powerful way to shut up thoughts that don’t serve us is by practicing meditation.

For whatever reason, meditation has not been a mainstay of traditional Christian, religious organizations.  Prayer and Bible reading are encouraged as well as the occasional mention of contemplative prayer, but not so much meditation.  Jesus, John the Baptist and others went off to meditate and to take themselves away from the hectic world.

Romans 12:2 says, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”  Meditation helps to renew the mind, to be still, to let go and surrender, to shut up the thoughts that do not serve us.

I am intimidated by silence.  Silence can cause me to address issues that I might be running from.  It’s easy to fill each day with busyness and then block out concerns through Internet surfing and social media.  None of these activities are bad.  However, if they are used to fill a void that is not being filled, over time, the toll will manifest itself in lost opportunities and lost dreams never being fulfilled.

The next time you have fearful and anxious thoughts that are raging within you like a violent storm, do as Jesus did. Silence those thoughts by saying, “Peace, be still.” When you need strength and help, let go and rest in God, your refuge. “Be still and know that I am God.”

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Daddy are you listening? Prayer-The Direct Line to God. Day-3 (One Day My Soul Just Opened Up) 

I remember as a kid playing this game called telephone. There were actually two types of game with same name. One where you would take two cans, poke a whole at the end of the can, insert a cord and connect it to the other end of the second can.
In the other , a message is given to the first person in a line of people and then they are instructed to pass the message on by whispering it in the ear of the next person in line. The message goes from person to person until it reaches the end of the line, and that person announces the message to the group. In most cases, the message that is announced to the group is significantly different from the message that was originally given to the first person in the line. While the game is amusing, it also teaches us an important lesson that people often forget.

These game are the difference between talking to God and talking to people.

Prayer
Prayer is simply defined as communication with God. Think about a close friendship you have. Sure, that person is there for you when you need them, but you talk to them all the time, don’t you? You share your lives, don’t you? Well, God wants to be your best friend. You can tell Him everything and anything, you can laugh with Him, you can talk about your day with Him, you can be honest with Him, you can express the desires of your heart with Him. The bottom line is He wants to hear it all! God greatly desires that you have intimate, personal communication with Him.
For me, my communication with God was through journaling. I remember how I couldn’t wait to “write” God all of daily thoughts, activities, wants and desires. I would always start off with “Dear Daddy…” And like a child tell Him everything. One day, my husband read my journal and discovered some things about me. He was angry. He called me and read parts of my journal entries to me and my whole world was shattered. All I remember saying to him was ” that’s my private conversations with God…” His response was as venomous as a snake, ” You’re talking to God about this, well you better be talking to me…” I was devastated. Not because of what he read my journal, but because personal conversations with God were no longer sacred. I felt violated, raped even. I never wrote again and I stopped talking to God. I had lost my best friend. He was taken away from me. I became afraid to pray because I felt as if my relationship was no longer personal. I dabbed in it out habit, desperation, but I knew I had disconnected myself.
It’s been 7 years since that day. And I am now ready to return to that place, that secret place in God.

I have been out of alignment for some time now rendering my prayers ineffective. Subconsciously, I would pray for things that were sure. Provision, God said He would provide, Protection, God said He would be my protection. Covering for my children, a no brainer for God.
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I am have made up in my mind, that I am going to stop blaming God and people for the things that went wrong in my life. I am taking full responsibility for my life so that my prayers are answered quick and fast.
Therefore, this time around Prayer will be a re-alignment with what already exists in me and open my mind to the revelation of this existence in the the world around me. I will be specific in my prayers, just as God said to do in Luke 11:9-13.

I am a child of God; Princess to the Holy King. Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world!

Daddy!!!! Are you listening?   I’m coming Home!!!

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The Trust Factor Day-2 (One Day My Soul Just Opened Up)

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When I think of “TRUST” I think about all the times I put my trust in someone only to be left disappointed in their failure to perform or meet my expectations.  I did not even trust God.  Funny because I knew to call on him when I needed something and trusted that He would make it happen; I trusted Him enough to know that He would keep me safe, and even thanked Him every time He did. Putting my trust IN God is a whole different topic.  As I began to grow in Christ, and learn more about who He is, I was always in awe, (as a parent) about how Abraham trusted God so much that he was willing to sacrifice his son of promise, just because God said so. Though I know the reason and the result of Abraham’s obedience, I still find it hard to trust God in all things concerning me.  This is why I am on this journey.

TRUST: The reliance upon God for sustenance and supply.  Yep, I am good with that.  A mental and emotional recognition and acceptance that the presence of God as the ultimate good is all-powerful and everywhere present.  Mental.  Nope.  Emotional, yes.  See, if I could just get my mental to align with my spiritual,  all will be right with my world. (excerpt from One Day My Soul Just Opened Up, p. 32)

It has  taken me a very long time to trust God in everything.  I trust Him in some things, but not EVERYTHING.  I often look back on my childhood, and wonder why God allowed those things to happen.  If He loved me so much, why didn’t He protect me.  However, all of this was not revealed to me until I gave my life over to Christ, accepting Him as my Lord and Savior.  It was like eating the forbidden fruit of Knowledge.  Now that I was made aware of Who He is to me,  I looked back over my life and said “Wait, so where were you when…?” “So you let…happen and never stepped in and saved me? “Why did you wait so long to reveal Yourself to me?” I then became angry with God because I felt that He had betrayed a TRUST in Him I didn’t know I was supposed to have in the first place.

When I truly look back over my life, I did have a Divine TRUST, that trust that is inherent to my soul. What I failed to do was TRUST God to provide me with the wisdom to make the right decision in every circumstance in my life.  TRUST Him where you can’t Trace Him. Walk by Faith, not by sight. Easier said than done when what you see, does not align with what you believe.

What I realize now is that I TRUSTED in my own ability, and not God’s Infinite Wisdom to direct me.

Moving forward, I will “TRUST in God to provide me with the wisdom to make the right decision under every circumstance I encounter. (Iyanla Vanzant One Day My Soul Just Opened Up, Day Two).

I am on my way to being God’s version of me.

I am TRUSTING the process.

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