Unveiled by Dominique was started as a way for me, Dominique, to be free of the strongholds of my childhood past and wounds to get to me to my “Promised Land.” Yet, two years later, I find myself writing about the same thing, in different words. Why? Why do I keep looking back at the things which longer matter? Why can’t I let go of the “security blanket” beautifully knitted together with hurt, pain, low self-esteem, colorism, need for acceptance, doubt, fear, and lack of self-love? Why do I want to stay in my childhood?
My Childhood is my Wilderness Experience
I still wrestle with God about my wilderness experience as a child. Situations and experiences I believe that I should not have had at that stage of my life. As an adult, I have come to understand the necessity of the wilderness experience. I understand, through the reading and searching of the scriptures, that the experience is supposed to make us stronger and wiser. Yet, my inner child could not reason it. I realize, now, that on this journey, those childhood experiences are at the root of my adult problems. On a spiritual note, I know that I have to get to the root of the problem in order for me to move forward in what God has for me. That happens with the renewing of my mind, and letting go and letting God be the GOD of my Life. I often ask God, why do I keep going around the same mountain? When will I get to the “Promised Land”? The answer is simple: Be Still and Know that I am the God of your Salvation.
God’s Will v. My Will
Jesus says it best in the Garden of Gethsemane ” Father if you are willing, take this Cup away from me; still, let not my will, but Yours be done….” Luke 22:42 (Complete Jewish Bible)
This is a hard place to be sometimes when you are looking at the circumstances before you, and you want to do what is comfortable. My childhood experiences, has caused me to 1- not trust, and 2-be slow in forgiving; and even when I make the decision to forgive, I place the hurt in my pandora’s box. I open it up and remember the pain, like an adult finding its security blanket and having all of the childhood memories rush back. Sometimes you find yourself wandering in the wilderness year after year after year. It feels like you are going around the same mountain over and over (and over). That may be because you are. Remember, it was a three-day journey from the Red Sea to the Promised Land, but the Israelites wandered around in the wilderness, circling Mount Seir, for 40 years. I know that unforgiveness is one of the issues that block our ability to move forward in the things God has for us and so He keeps us in the wilderness, experiencing the same thing over and over again..same script, different cast.
Reasons for the Wilderness
Psalm 78:17 embodies, what I know God is trying to free me from: Rebellion. In the scriptures, we see that the Israelites rebelled against God in the wilderness. And Hebrews warns readers, “Do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion, in the day of trial in the wilderness, where your fathers tested Me, tried Me, and saw My works forty years” (Heb. 3:8-9). Fighting against a rebellious spirit is my biggest challenge. As most, when things do not go our way, we get frustrated and at out. In doing so, though, we are out of the will of God.
Here is an excerpt from the You Version Bible Daily Devotional Plan, Don’t Look Back: “The past holds a river of memories for each of us, some good, some bad. The sad thing is any of us continue to live in the past, which in turn prevents us from walking into the future that God has designed and prepared for us before time began. The truth is, the enemy of our soul knows if he can keep us looking back we would make very little progress in the future God has us, (for me). I know in my heart, that when I finally allow the inner child to grow up and truly let go, to use the wilderness experience as proof that I can handle all things life has for me, I will be free to walk into my destiny.
Father, as your Word says in Psalm 139:23-24 “Examine me, God and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. See if there is in me any hurtful way, and lead me along the eternal way. As I continue to wander aimlessly in the wilderness reveal to me any unbelief or rebellion in my heart. Help me to release the hold on my past and embrace the future, you have for me. In Jesus’s Name, AMEN.
Not Looking Back,
For Further Reading about the Wilderness Click Here
Scripture Reference: Luke 22:42, Psalm 78:17, Hebrews 3:8-9, Ephesians 2:1-5, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Phillipians 3:13-14