Beautifully Broken-Being Molded & Shaped Part II

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair…” 2 Corinthians 4:8

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In my last blog, Beautifully Broken-Being the Clay Part I, I left off with my teenage years. After the abortion, I turned to Jesus.  It seemed like the natural thing to do.  Deep down inside, I knew it was the Spirit of God that led me to the church that morning before school.  I remember that day as if it were yesterday.   On my way to school, there was church along the way.  There was an urging to go in.  I went in, knelt down and simply said: “Jesus please for forgive me for giving you back a life.  I was not my fault, I had to listen to my mother.  Please forgive her, she doesn’t know what she did.  I promise you, Jesus, that if you ever give me the chance to carry life again, except for being raped, I never give it back.”  And I kept my covenant agreement, and so did God.  After the father of my aborted child was murdered, I was lost once again.  Who would love me the way he did?   I also found out that I was the envy of many of the girls in my high school because apparently, they all wanted to date him and they made no qualms about questioning his choice in me.  Another crack in the pot.  I looked at myself again and felt unworthy of a love that would never be.  Crack!!

About a year a later, I met the one who I thought was my second chance at love.  He was smart, nice, and he noticed me.  He told me I had beautiful brown skin, to which I responded: “I am dark-skinned!” He looked at me and said: “No, you are brown skinned.” It was the very first time that someone had to acknowledge me as “brown” and not “black”.  It was another immature love affair.  He did what most teenage boys do, allow their friends to influence them, and we broke up after a year.  I later found out that he was cheating on me with my friend and fellow cheerleader. Crack!

Young Adult Years

After graduating High School, I had a summer job at the airport as a security guard.  I was on the rebound, devastated by the break-up of the person I thought was my 2d chance at love.  There, I met my oldest child’s father.  A handsome guy; looked like a famous R&B Artist of the decade.  Everyone wanted him, and he wanted me.  Boost to the ego! Right?? Wrong.  Problem #1, he had a girlfriend. No problem, it was cute while it lasted.  But apparently, he liked me more and so he broke up with her to be with me.  Problem #2, his mother is half white and had color issues…Not this again… Crack!!!

Now I am fighting someone’s mother for a chance at love.  I have come to learn that rebound love is very dangerous and damaging.  I found myself pregnant again, but this time, no backsies.  This child was my proof that God forgives and He honors His covenant agreements (learned that later on in life).  I was fighting for my life and that of my child.  My mother was embarrassed by my pregnancy, she treated me with disgust; she even tried pushing me down the stairs.  I had to fight my child’s soon to be grandmother, who was disgusted because her son chose a “darkie”.  My saving grace was my grandmother.  She loved me and protected me and accepted my pregnancy.  The only thing she wanted me to do is to finish college.  And I did.  Pregnant and all.

Sometimes in life, we go through circumstances that seem unbearable.  But God, (don’t you love that line?) wants you to be encouraged, He said in this world we would have trials and tribulations, but be of good cheer; Jesus overcame the world.  While going through trials and tribulations we must recognize that the darkest attacks from the enemy will come just before our breakthrough from the Lord.  And it’s during those dark times that the enemy will come to try you, taunt you, and cause you to doubt if the Lord will ever deliver you.

The Pot has cracks, but not yet broken.

Left alone, but never forgotten
Misunderstood, but my future is just starting
God is molding me and making me
He’s building me and shaping me
A Queen is being formed right in front of your eyes
So don’t count me out

So don’t count me out
When you don’t see what He sees
You can’t tell, but his glory is resting on me
I’m his choice
I’m after his heart
The unveiling is starting now
So don’t count me out.

There’s a queen in me
Goliaths to defeat
Visions to decree
It’s my destiny–Marvin Sapp

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Stay Tuned for Part III Beautifully Broken-Cracked But Not Yet Broken.

Beautifully Broken,

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From Wilderness to Promise

“The minute I get out of my own way, I will see the road ahead.” -Dominique McCullough.

I have been on this journey since 2015.  Maybe longer and I just was unaware.  My journey started out of pain, hurt and disappointment in myself mainly.  Conscious and unconscious actions and decisions led me down a path of self-destruction.  I had convinced myself that I was destined for a life of struggle.  I would get what I wanted, but it would come harder than everyone else.  As a result, I built this wall to keep hurt and pain away. If anyone tried to enter, I fought like hell.

Yes, I have been on this journey in search of my purpose, my reason for being.  My Destiny…“In the Messiah, He chose us in love before the creation of the universe to be holy and without defect in His presence”Ephesians 1:4 Complete Jewish Bible.  However, what I see is a broken little girl, who grew up to be a broken woman, in search of healing…

I have heard the voice of the prophets, I have heard the small still voice of the Holy Spirit.  I also heard the voice of Fear, and Doubt; Procrastination and Distraction.  Sets of “twins” whose job is to convince me that all God has said about me in Ephesians 1 is not true.  But I have pushed through it, fighting for what God has for me.  Not always leaning on Him, often times leaning on my own understanding.  But God keeps me, covers me, because “In all His wisdom and insight, He has made known His secret plan, which by His own will He designed beforehand in connection with the Messiah and will put into effect when the time is ripe-His plan to place everything in heaven and on Earth under the Messiah’s Headship.” Ephesians 1:8-10 Complete Jewish Bible.  Therefore His plan must come to fruition.  His purpose for me.

tumblr_ogylphrK4S1ut1kpfo1_1280When the launch of Tear The Veil, Inc. did not happen.  I was disappointed and embarrassed. I was faced with yet another hurdle, and although I really tried to tell myself, that this is all in God’s Plan, my mind, was working overtime to show me my failure.  One morning I woke up and found this in my inbox: You have endured everything from inconvenience to hardship with every circumstance leading to the understanding of life, people and yourself.  The lessons learned have been invaluable and ultimately have had the potential of making you stronger than you have ever been as you trust Me in all things.  You are truly being transformed into My image, says the Lord.
2 Corinthians 3:18 So all of us, with faces unveiled, see as in a mirror the glory of the Lord; and we are being changed into His image, from one degree of glory to the next, by Adonai the Spirit. That confirmed it all for me. Tear The Veil Inc., is going to launch as one of the most phenomenal women’s empowerment organizations in this nation…In His timing.

There is a purpose in the wilderness, my wilderness.  In 2015, I traveled to Bali and climbed to the top of the Batur Volcano Mountain.  It took two and half hours. I now understand Deuteronomy 8:2. God speaks to us in the wilderness.  God also humbles and proves us in the wilderness.  The wilderness period can last days, or years, depending on how quickly we learn its lessons.

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In the meantime, I am changing and building a new circle of women, leaving some folks behind, stepping out on faith, doing it Afraid and Alone. WALKING INTO MY DESTINY!!!!

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“Love Yourself” Susan L. Taylor

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I began my subscription to Essence Magazine whenI was 15.  This was at a time when there was no real way of checking if you were old enough to take on that responsibility.  I so looked forward to receiving my monthly copy, just so I can read what the Editor in Chief had to say.  I remember looking at her photo and seeing a Black Goddess.  Her long cornrows, going straight down her back.  The “Essence” of Black Beauty.  Susan L. Taylor, a journalism beast! Susan L. Taylor (born January 23, 1946) is an American editor, writer, and journalist. She served as editor-in-chief of Essence from 1981 through 2000. In 1994, American Libraries referred to Taylor as “the most influential black woman in journalism today”.

Susan Leaves Essence Magazine

“I will be leaving Essence to do what at this juncture in my life has become a larger work for me—building the National Cares Mentoring Movement, which I founded as Essence Cares and today is my deepest passion.”
–Susan L. Taylor, December 28, 2007)

When Ms. Taylor left Essence Magazine, I was devastated.  I sat in disbelief as I read her letter.  Who was going to be my source of inspiration?  see Susan had become my “Judy Blume” at a time when I was not only coming into my womanhood but also my awareness of who I was becoming as a Black Woman.  I grew up in the era of “Black Power” as a child of the ’70’s.  The images of “Black Is Beautiful” was overshadowed by my generation’s need to be all that we can be as an African-American Community, breaking free (or so we thought) from segregation and enjoying the freedoms established by the Civil rights Movement.  Susan, in my eyes, represented the images of the ’70’s, the breaking of barriers, my mirror.   The magazine was never the same.  I let my subscription lapse.  In New York Times article, dated December 28, 2007, it lists all of her accomplishments, especially the reason why she left the magazine- to pursue her desire and passion for helping disadvantaged children.  She is an avid supporter of a host of organizations dedicated to moving the Black community forward. Her passion and focus are on creating equity in education and turning around the nation’s failing schools, which, she says are “the pipeline to prison.” Susan founded the CARES Mentoring Organization to address these issues, that plagues the Black Community.

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So this Women’s Month and International Women’s Day I celebrate Susan L. Taylor! #BeBoldForChange

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Being Intentional, Being Bold

It’s International Women’s Day! And I am changing my circle.  I am changing the way I think, I move, I operate.  With the leading of God, My heavenly Father, I am pushing past FEAR, defying the “Generation X” and like Madam C.J. “On My Own Grounds”.  I am going to so intentional about taking “Me” to the next level, to truly walk into my Destiny that has been calling me for years now.quote-i-have-crossed-over-on-the-backs-of-sojourner-truth-harriet-tubman-fannie-lou-hamer-oprah-winfrey-76-53-88

Happy International Women’S Day #BeIntentional and #BeBoldForChange

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I am in the Purpose Room

How many different ways does someone have to tell you what you what you already know?  How difficult is it to really stand in your purpose so that you can get to your destiny?

During this Lenten Season 2017, my fast will be non-traditional.  Growing up Catholic, we were taught that we must sacrifice our fleshy pleasures for 40 days.  I never understood why, because it is not Biblical and Jesus already atoned for our sins so that we do not have to do these rituals of atonement with whom exactly? God or Self?  In this season, I will fast as commanded by my Lod and Savior Jesus Christ.  “But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”-Matthew 6:17-18.  I will say this, though, I will be in THE PURPOSE ROOM

Passion + Purpose = Destiny

There is a wall.  It is mental. I am reminded of the scripture in Romans 7 “the spirit is willing bu the flesh is weak…” Weak to the invisible wounds that I won’t allow to heal. Allowing myself to be trapped in it because it acts as a shield again pain, hurt and disappointment.  Bishop T.D. Jakes said it best in his book ” Your Mind may guide you in what you do, but your heart affirms your passion for doing it, and that leads you to resolve the way of your life…As you stand back from yourself and see the push of instincts welded with the pull of purpose that leads you into destiny,  you will know the events and circumstances in your life equate to more than just coincidences or mere facts.  The coming together of all of these events and connections, some seemingly random, are the results of divine orchestration to empower to accomplish what God has placed in you.” Destiny: Stepping into your Purpose by Bishop T.D. Jakes.  Like I said, its mental.  I had to chuckle at this passage because, the day before writing this blog, I was sitting in the laundromat, minding my own business, and this woman, randomly (lol) struck up a conversation, about DVD’s that led to the sharing of her failed marriage and confessions of adultery.  I chuckle because of the weekend prior to that encounter, a woman whispered in my ear “Women need to hear our voice…”

I am reading the “Purpose Room” by Heather Lindsey.  I read the sample first. I should have known better. Her books are amazing. I no longer have any excuses as to why I cannot do what God has purposed me to do.  I know that God has a plan for my life.  I am hearing the call so much clearer now.

I have a story, deeply rooted in childhood experiences, distorted by my childhood views and adult point of view. Experiences that served as the pieces of fabric woven together to create the “veil” I am so desperately wanting to tear.

I am finally seeing past the confetti…Finally seeing who God has purposed and destined me to be me to be…16999091_10212289967268694_4978916473972594682_n.jpg

Stepping into my Destiny

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BeyGoals- Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

 

In this blog post, I want to honor one of the strongest Black Female Artist of this generation.  Say what you want about Beyonce, but even fellow female artist Adele, had to give respect where respect is due.  During her Grammy Award acceptance speech, she stated: “…the way that you make me and my friends feel, the way you make my black friends feel, is empowering.”  She (Adele) was talking about the Album “Lemonade”.  I have to admit that, indeed that album was by far the best call to the world that Black Women are a force NOT to be reckoned with.  With “Formation” she served notice to ALL that she loves her family exactly as they are… And herself, too. Radical. Self. LOVE.

With that said, Bey came under fire (again) about her Madonna-like image and the display of her very much pregnant body.  So clearly they did not get the message in Lemonade.

Psalm 139:14 says: “I thank you because I am awesomely made, wonderfully; your works are wonders -I know this very well. (Complete Jewish Bible Version); the King James Version says “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well..  Either way, Our Creator designed us as Black women so well, that other ethnic groups and race, go through changes to achieve what God gave us naturally.

“Historically, black women’s bodies have been utterly disrespected. We nurtured and fed other race’s children from our breasts. We were raped and bore children for slave masters. And yet, were made ashamed of our bodies, our curves, our blackness.
We were treated as concubines and receptacles for a man’s seed–and frankly, sometimes we still are. Other races are consistently celebrated and heralded for motherhood. Black women are not–definitely not consistently.  
Beyoncé’s performance was a declarative statement. Black women carry and give life beautifully. And that is NOTHING to be ashamed of.
I am a Christian. I am fearfully and wonderfully made–in God’s image. And that includes my blackness. And that includes my femininity. Psalm 139:14 can’t just apply to whom and when you want. I celebrate all the parts of who I am–not just the parts that feed others’ needs or makes them comfortable. *walks away*” –Adeea Rogers of TrendySocialite-

And I concur!

 

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Dropped it in 2016

I knew that God wanted to do something new in my life and heal the wounds of my past.  I was so sure, that when the theme came to my spirit, I was confident that I was hearing the voice of God.  “From Girlhood to Womanhood…A Journey- Healing the Invisible Wounds.”  A voice within that needed to be heard, because I was all too familiar with the “invisible wounds”.  The date was set. November 11, 2016.  I was excited, determined, but also without direction and guidance from the One who called me… Adonai, El-Shaddai, My Lord, My Father.  I trusted people to help me carry this vision.  I was promised a venue.  I had speakers lined up. I had sponsors.  The harder I worked, the harder it got.  I was looking for support from friends and family, but when that did not seem to happen, I allowed disappointment, self-doubt, and failure to consume me. I was talking a good game of faith but didn’t have any.  I found myself alone, hurt and disappointed…Right, where God wanted me.

Yes, God did want to do something new in my life and heal the wounds of my past.  Yes, I know that part of my destiny is to help other women.  He was bringing back to my remembrance the Prophetic Word over my life concerning this, and in my mind, what better time to go forth than when I myself am going through…We can all heal together, right?

We often times like to assign blame to the enemy what it is God saying “No, not yet.”  I was convinced that the enemy was trying to silence me. Keep me from my Purpose and Destiny by throwing distractions my way.  The harder I fought, the weaker I got.  I am not a quitter so I held on until I had no choice but to “let go”.  To drop it, and admit defeat and failure.  Leaving me feeling embarrassed.

Willing to “Let Go” of the Old.

“Letting go” seemed to be a common theme for me toward the end of 2016.  I have been searching for the door to freedom.  Looking back at my blog posts here on  Unveiled By Dominique, I saw the detailing of my different journeys but like the Israelites searching for the Promise Land, going around in a circle.  I started on a 40 Day Journey and only got up to Day 15.  I didn’t know what I was holding on to.  I mean, I did…Something in my childhood.  A familiar feeling, a spirit that plagued me all of my life.  I just could not identify it.   There seemed to be an unwillingness to face my own demons and heal.  Holding on to the pain because it justified my current situation.  When that “demon” is all you know, “letting go” is not easy.

All Things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.

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Freedom Day 14 (One Day My Soul Opened Up)

FREEDOM IS COMING…

[S]he whom the Son has set FREE is FREE Indeed! Freedom. We all want it.  We all think we have it.  But even the Bible reminds us that we are “slaves” to sin.  I think the book of Romans 7 is one of my favorite books in the Bible.  It talks about the bondage of sin.  Freedom is a state of mind.  So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. 22 For d I delight in the law of God, e in my inner being, 23 but I see in my members f another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Romans 7:21.  Now Ponder on that for a minute.  

I have spent so much of my life living under the shadows of others, hiding myself from people, that I don’t know how to live for me.  I don’t know what I want or what I need to strive for, yet I am confident that I am operating in the giftings and the talents that God has given me to produce wealth; not just financial wealth, but spiritual wealth.  I sometimes feel like blind man in Mark 8:22 being led where people think I should go.  One of my favorite preachers taught on the topic the other day.  God has been sending Word to me from various prophets about being rich, wealthy, that I will be helping women… And still, while I am operating in the very thing that will generate just that, I am still blinded by the confetti that is before me: failed marriage, my children, lack of money, laws, rules, responsibilities to others, tax debt…

What does FREEDOM mean

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By definition, Freedom is the spiritually induced quality or state of being without restraint, bondage, limitation or repression. A sense of inner and outer well-being. (One day My Soul Just Opened Up)

Freedom to me is a right I took for granted.  A true definition for me was the idea of not being a slave. You know like in bondage, with a master. Like the Africans that took the Trans-Atlantic voyage. But I was…A slave to an invisible master…Money, Career, Relationships, Friends, SELF!!!!

I am on the Freedom train towards my destiny.I am riding it this time to the end.

“God’s perfect and divine plan for my life will set me free.” -Iyanla Vanzant

Watch me as I Tear The Veil to my Destiny

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In the Stillness… Meditation- Day 4 (One Day My Soul Just Opened Up)

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As a Christian woman, the word “meditate” is completely different then the traditional belief of what meditation is.  Does that make sense? So I am on day 4 and the working definition of meditation is “Stillness”. It is defined as the “stilling of the physical/conscious mind to all external stimuli…A steady effort of the mind to know and hear the voice of God from within the being… The act of not doing…”  

Hear the voice of God from within the being… The act of not doing…”  

In her book, Iyanla Vanzant repeatedly used the phrase “Be Still and Know.”  This takes me to the story when Jesus and the disciples were on the boat, and the storm was ragging and Jesus was resting in the midst of it.  The disciples were frantic, waking Jesus up and asking him what He was going to do. In frustration,  Jesus simply said: “Peace Be Still!!!”He then goes on the ask them, why they were scared, and where was their faith?

When quiet you mind to all the things around you and quiet your own fears, the power will become activated.  Jesus was on the boat, the Power was with them and they did not realize it because they did not allow themselves to be still as Jesus was.

How often do we ask God for everything, but we don’t stop to listen or to be still?   The act of being still and getting quiet becomes more of a challenge in our hectic world. The world asks us to be busy. God asks us to be still so that we can receive love, peace and guidance.

Along with busyness comes the fearful and anxious thoughts we hold onto. It’s been stated that we have upwards of 50,000 thoughts a day. We must learn to tell our fearful and anxious thoughts to shut up, just as Jesus calmed the sea.

Quieting the mind, shutting up the mind requires practice. One powerful way to shut up thoughts that don’t serve us is by practicing meditation.

For whatever reason, meditation has not been a mainstay of traditional Christian, religious organizations.  Prayer and Bible reading are encouraged as well as the occasional mention of contemplative prayer, but not so much meditation.  Jesus, John the Baptist and others went off to meditate and to take themselves away from the hectic world.

Romans 12:2 says, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”  Meditation helps to renew the mind, to be still, to let go and surrender, to shut up the thoughts that do not serve us.

I am intimidated by silence.  Silence can cause me to address issues that I might be running from.  It’s easy to fill each day with busyness and then block out concerns through Internet surfing and social media.  None of these activities are bad.  However, if they are used to fill a void that is not being filled, over time, the toll will manifest itself in lost opportunities and lost dreams never being fulfilled.

The next time you have fearful and anxious thoughts that are raging within you like a violent storm, do as Jesus did. Silence those thoughts by saying, “Peace, be still.” When you need strength and help, let go and rest in God, your refuge. “Be still and know that I am God.”

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The Trust Factor Day-2 (One Day My Soul Just Opened Up)

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When I think of “TRUST” I think about all the times I put my trust in someone only to be left disappointed in their failure to perform or meet my expectations.  I did not even trust God.  Funny because I knew to call on him when I needed something and trusted that He would make it happen; I trusted Him enough to know that He would keep me safe, and even thanked Him every time He did. Putting my trust IN God is a whole different topic.  As I began to grow in Christ, and learn more about who He is, I was always in awe, (as a parent) about how Abraham trusted God so much that he was willing to sacrifice his son of promise, just because God said so. Though I know the reason and the result of Abraham’s obedience, I still find it hard to trust God in all things concerning me.  This is why I am on this journey.

TRUST: The reliance upon God for sustenance and supply.  Yep, I am good with that.  A mental and emotional recognition and acceptance that the presence of God as the ultimate good is all-powerful and everywhere present.  Mental.  Nope.  Emotional, yes.  See, if I could just get my mental to align with my spiritual,  all will be right with my world. (excerpt from One Day My Soul Just Opened Up, p. 32)

It has  taken me a very long time to trust God in everything.  I trust Him in some things, but not EVERYTHING.  I often look back on my childhood, and wonder why God allowed those things to happen.  If He loved me so much, why didn’t He protect me.  However, all of this was not revealed to me until I gave my life over to Christ, accepting Him as my Lord and Savior.  It was like eating the forbidden fruit of Knowledge.  Now that I was made aware of Who He is to me,  I looked back over my life and said “Wait, so where were you when…?” “So you let…happen and never stepped in and saved me? “Why did you wait so long to reveal Yourself to me?” I then became angry with God because I felt that He had betrayed a TRUST in Him I didn’t know I was supposed to have in the first place.

When I truly look back over my life, I did have a Divine TRUST, that trust that is inherent to my soul. What I failed to do was TRUST God to provide me with the wisdom to make the right decision in every circumstance in my life.  TRUST Him where you can’t Trace Him. Walk by Faith, not by sight. Easier said than done when what you see, does not align with what you believe.

What I realize now is that I TRUSTED in my own ability, and not God’s Infinite Wisdom to direct me.

Moving forward, I will “TRUST in God to provide me with the wisdom to make the right decision under every circumstance I encounter. (Iyanla Vanzant One Day My Soul Just Opened Up, Day Two).

I am on my way to being God’s version of me.

I am TRUSTING the process.

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